Obsession is more than a troubling trait; it can be a serious mental disorder with varied triggers and manifestations. An occupational psychologist, Dr. Stanislav Sambursky, a clinical psychologist at Anikina’s Clinic and creator of the Ecological Psychologist Zen channel, explained to socialbites.ca about how intrusive behavior emerges and persists.
“People who feel obsessed often struggle with low self-esteem, fear of loneliness, self-doubt, inferiority, or even addictive tendencies. They may be unable to set healthy boundaries in relationships, fail to respect others’ space and opinions, and struggle to regulate emotions and impulses. Alongside therapy or treatment, they crave constant affirmation and love from others”, the expert noted.
He described obsession as present in varying degrees and expressed through different behaviors. The most common manifestations are obsessive actions, persistent feelings, fixed attitudes, and intrusive thoughts.
“If you want to reduce contact with someone who drains you, the first step is to establish your boundaries”, Sambursky advised, adding that admitting this in one’s own mind can be the hardest part.
Therefore, when engaging with another person, it helps to consider what is acceptable and what is not. Clarify what you are willing to do, what you want to avoid, what you hope to gain, and what you are unwilling to sacrifice. Writing down your limits or articulating them aloud can be highly effective. The next step is to communicate these boundaries to the obsessive acquaintance.
“Tell the person clearly and directly what you want to see or hear from them. You do not need to be rude or aggressive, but you should avoid being overly soft or apologetic either. Use direct phrases like ‘I want,’ ‘I don’t want,’ ‘I ask,’ or ‘I demand,’” the psychologist explained. For example: “I want to maintain a friendship, but I do not want to receive ten messages a day. Please respect my time and space.” Or: “I value your perspective on my work, but I do not want to hear criticism that isn’t constructive. I demand honest and constructive dialogue about my projects.”
Monitoring the adherence to these limits is crucial. If someone continues to violate the boundary after being informed, consistent and decisive action is required.
“Do not be swayed by persuasion, manipulation, or threats. Do not allow someone to override your feelings or give them grounds to offend you. Each time the boundary is crossed, repeat the boundary and respond accordingly. For instance, if a person calls repeatedly, do not answer or you can end the call abruptly. If the issue arises at work, respond briefly and sincerely, or end the interaction. If uninvited visits occur, do not open the door and avoid inviting further contact. It may feel harsh, but it remains the most effective self-protection strategy”, Sambursky stated.
If these approaches fail and the person persists, a more radical option may be necessary—ceasing all communication. This can be especially challenging when the person is a family member, friend, or coworker, but sometimes it is the only viable path.
“Tell them you no longer wish to communicate and explain the reasons. Stop answering calls, texts, letters, or visits. Avoid places where you might encounter them”, the psychologist advised.
Earlier, a separate public consumer program discussed strategies for reducing unwanted emails and promotional calls, illustrating the broader pattern of setting boundaries to protect personal time and mental health.