When parents repeatedly require older children to babysit their younger siblings, it can steal the older child’s sense of childhood and foster negative feelings toward both the younger brother or sister and the older child themselves. This perspective comes from Dr. Stanislav Sambursky, a clinical psychologist who has practiced at Anikina’s Clinic and contributes to the Ecological Psychologist Zen channel.
Experts say it is reasonable for older children to participate in play with their parents while supervising younger ones, or for a parent to be away for short stretches when needed.
“It is important to understand we are talking about brief periods, five to ten minutes,” the doctor notes. “Young children should not be left alone for long, especially when the age gap is smaller than about 12 years. In such cases, risks arise. A child barely older than the youngest may struggle to keep dangerous situations in check, such as heavy objects within reach, windows, needles, or small blocks that could be swallowed. The younger child might even try to mimic risky actions, climbing onto a window sill or creating other hazards.”
The second major concern is that children often lack basic first aid skills. If the younger child feels overwhelmed, the older one may freeze or fear punishment from adults, which can prevent them from seeking help. The situation can worsen if the older child tries to intervene and inadvertently pushes an obstruction deeper into the airway.
“Careful assessment is essential. Older children should be viewed as capable of helping only if they have clear limits and support, recognizing that they are still children who may not think through every consequence. If the age difference exceeds 12 years, it may be more appropriate for the older child to assist with supervision, but this should not be compulsory. A suitable reward for the older child’s responsibility can help, as long as it aligns with the child’s preferences,” Sambursky explains.
Fairness plays a central role in this dynamic. Young people lead busy lives, and pressuring an older sibling to take on caregiving duties can breed resentment and even hostility toward the younger child.
“Find ways to acknowledge the effort of the older child. For example, offer more pocket money, plan a piece of preferred entertainment, or arrange a shared activity that the siblings enjoy. The key is to ensure the compensation respects the child’s interests and boundaries,” the psychologist adds.
He also cautions against punishing the older child for the misbehavior of the younger one. The goal is to support healthy family dynamics rather than place blame on the older child for outcomes beyond their control.
“If the older child bears psychological stress from caregiving, it can shape attitudes toward parenthood later in life. Some adults who were required to nanny as children may hesitate to have children themselves, recognizing the demanding nature of such responsibilities from an early age. A proper childhood is important for long-term mental health and development,” Sambursky notes.
In summary, families should balance the benefits of shared responsibility with the need to protect a child’s sense of safety and childhood. Supervisory roles should be appropriate to each child’s age and capabilities, and caregivers should provide support, clear boundaries, and fair rewards to maintain healthy family relationships. When parents respond thoughtfully to their children’s needs and capacities, the household can function with less stress and more mutual respect. [Attribution: Dr. Stanislav Sambursky, clinical psychologist.]
Formerly published guidance on how parents respond to a child’s poor performance remains relevant, underscoring that supportive, non-punitive approaches foster resilience and healthy development in both older and younger siblings.