When a second child arrives, the elder often feels overlooked. If this sensation is not addressed, it can seed long-term issues that impair the ability to form healthy romantic and platonic relationships later in life. This insight comes from psychologist Kira Makarova, who spoke with socialbites.ca about family dynamics after a new sibling joins the household.
According to the expert, the most common outcome for first-borns who suffer from reduced attention after the arrival of a sibling is a surface-level approach to social connections.
“The amount of love someone who did not receive enough affection in childhood can give tends to be small. They may struggle to see others as they are and give love only conditionally. First-borns facing attention gaps often have difficulty grasping the true meaning of love. They may not realize that listening, showing genuine interest, and selfless care for another person are possible and meaningful. These patterns stem from not having a similar model of relationships during childhood,” the psychologist notes.
The professional pointed out that such behaviors arise from parental missteps after the second child is welcomed. Parents may unintentionally sideline the first-born, expecting the older child to entertain or assist the baby, or punishing reluctance to help.
“Often, older siblings are cast in the role of helper—walking with the younger child, helping with homework, and more. But every child deserves to enjoy their own childhood. Forcing expressions of love toward a sibling can deepen feelings of jealousy, especially when manipulated or framed as ingratitude, such as statements like ‘you don’t appreciate everything we do, is it really so hard to sit with your brother’.” Makarova underscores the importance of respecting each child’s autonomy and privacy. Children should not have their belongings allocated away because others appear to need them more, nor should they be pressed into babysitting in ways that cause distress, she adds.
The expert recommends that in larger families, each child be treated as an individual, with no one seen as a secondary member.
“Every child requires attention, and the goal is quality rather than quantity. Parents should make eye contact, listen closely, and ask questions that reveal a child’s personality, interests, and daily life. Even half an hour spent looking at photos or watching a favorite cartoon with a child can convey more affection than a hurried weekend outing to the mall. Communication is the core of healthy parenting,” the psychologist emphasizes.
In closing, the guidance highlights that balanced attention helps prevent envy and fosters secure emotional development for all siblings. The emphasis remains on nurturing each child’s individuality while maintaining strong family cohesion.