Flirting plays a role in attracting a sexual partner, yet many people struggle with it. Researchers from the University of Nicosia in Cyprus explored what traits tend to push potential partners away when dating. Their findings were published in a journal article focused on personality and individual differences.
“Research shows that dating can be challenging for many people,” noted Professor Menelaos Apostolou, the study’s lead author. “Understanding the specific factors behind a failed first impression helps people refine their flirting skills.”
In the first phase of the project, 212 adults, with an average age around the mid-thirties, participated. About one third were single, an equal portion were in relationships, and roughly a quarter were married. Participants imagined a scenario in which they were approached by someone flirting with them and were asked to list traits in a flirt that could turn them off.
The top offending traits included rude or vulgar communication, excessive focus on looks, invading personal space, perceived stupidity, narcissism, a dry sense of humor or no humor at all, stinginess, poor hygiene, and insincere compliments. Overall, the study cataloged 69 traits and variations that could spoil a first impression.
In the second part, 734 volunteers with an average age in the late twenties participated, with 42% single, 40% in relationships, and 12% married. They were asked to imagine the same flirting situation and then pick the most problematic traits from a compiled list based on the earlier results.
Across this phase, displays of obscenity, poor hygiene, and clear disinterest—such as glancing around for other potential partners—were seen as the strongest turnoffs. Disagreement, coarse language, and perceived stupidity also ranked highly. Less troubling but still significant were greed, an unattractive or messy appearance, and violations of personal boundaries.
The authors emphasize that the problem lies not in the traits themselves but in what those traits signal about a person’s character and intentions.
They observed that rainier behavior often coincides with negative signals such as vulgar language, narcissism, boundary crossing, a lack of humor, absence of empathy, aggression, maliciousness, and low self-esteem. Poor hygiene can also hint at underlying personality issues or latent psychological concerns. Because humor is linked to intelligence, a lack of humor can reflect cognitive and social gaps as well.
Another consistent expectation is that a potential partner should be genuinely interested, share similar values, look appealing, and be willing to share resources. The researchers wondered whether women and men weigh these traits differently. While both groups cared about many aspects, women generally held higher standards across the board. The authors suggest this may relate to the greater parental investment women bear and the higher risk they face if mate choices go wrong. Over time, women may become more selective and less risk-prone than men.
Findings also pointed to a higher emphasis on appearance among men. Age appeared to shift preferences as well: younger people tend to explore relationship experiences, while older individuals often seek stability and a clearer sense of what they want in a long-term partner.
One practical takeaway from the researchers is to improve flirting effectiveness by refining approach strategies. They advise avoiding sexist or crude comments, steering away from inappropriate touching, and not flirting with multiple people at once. Paying attention to personal hygiene and expanding vocabulary are also highlighted as concrete ways to boost dating skills.
The study notes that results were based on self-reports, which may introduce some bias. People without dating experience might misjudge which behaviors are off-putting, and the sample consisted entirely of Greek participants. Attitudes toward flirting can vary by culture, and what feels acceptable in one place might be more provocative in another. The researchers suggest replicating the study in other countries to better understand how cultural differences shape dating success and the interpretation of flirting cues.