Flirting and dating signals across cultures
Flirting is a set of behaviors designed to initiate contact with a potential partner and, in some cases, to push toward a romantic or sexual connection. The way these signals are received can vary based on gender, age, culture, and other factors. A team of psychologists from the Norwegian University of Science and Technology and their colleagues in the United States explored what kind of behavior men and women find appealing in potential partners. The results were reported in a journal article focused on evolutionary psychology and dating dynamics.
Experts describe flirting as a mix of signals sent between people to attract potential partners. Both men and women flirt to capture attention and potentially foster a romantic or sexual relationship. The success of dating techniques often depends on a person’s gender and whether they aim for a short term or a long term connection. Professor Leif Edward Ottesen Kennaire, lead author of the study, notes this nuance in understanding dating tactics.
Dating tactics fall into verbal acts such as declarations of interest and intimate conversations, and nonverbal cues like facial expressions, signs of attention, gifts, clothing choices, and dancing. Some actions signal readiness to commit, while others indicate sexual interest. The study mapped forty suggested flirtations and evaluated how attractive each option appeared and how well it supported different relationship goals.
The research involved one thousand volunteers from both Norway and the United States. Participants assessed each flirtation option based on its impressiveness and perceived attractiveness relative to the partner’s gender, along with its potential to support short term or long term relationship aims. The list encompassed physical closeness, time spent with a prospective partner, humor, and other social cues.
Initial hypotheses suggested that beauty standards tied to culture would strongly influence flirtation success. Yet findings showed that cultural beauty norms played little role. The crucial determinant turned out to be a sense of humor, a universal element that improves dating outcomes across groups. Women tended to favor cheerful, generous men, while men valued women who displayed both sexual openness and a compatible sense of humor. The importance of humor for one night stands was present but less critical than other factors.
Humor, the researchers found, helps men in long term relationship aims by signaling social compatibility and a capacity for shared joy. For women seeking long term relationships, humor alone proved less decisive than demonstrations of generosity and commitment. In both sexes, showing willingness to invest in a relationship and accept responsibility was attractive when romance was framed as a longer commitment. However, for men focused on seduction, compliments, smiles, and ongoing conversation remained effective tools in certain contexts.
Overall, men showed a tendency toward physical cues such as hugs, friendly kisses, and playful touches, while women tended to steer away from immediate physical contact when seeking a future lasting partnership. In short term scenarios, some physical interaction might be welcomed, but for long term goals, women often preferred deeper emotional or personal disclosures. Engaging in conversations about personal matters emerged as particularly important for women planning long term relationships.
Across both cultures, initiating with a warm smile and steady eye contact proved valuable. If the other person displayed receptivity to flirtation, a closer approach could be pursued. The study observed minimal cultural difference between Norwegian and American samples, suggesting that the described dating strategies have broad Western cultural applicability.
The authors concluded that cross cultural evidence supports longstanding theories of sexual strategies, noting that flirtation methods reflecting sexual fitness tend to perform best for women in short term contexts. In contrast, generosity and commitment tend to be the most effective signals for men and for both genders within long term relationship horizons. The researchers cautioned that extrapolations to different orientations or cultures beyond Norway and the United States should be made carefully, although the results may show similar patterns in other contexts too [study authors].