Crude expression of the mother of the girls murdered by their fathers in Asturias in 2014: “The pity never ceases, there is no consolation”

“ANYONE who knows what they would do…”, reflects Bárbara García. Because she’ll never know and unfortunately she won’t have to face raising two teenagers.

Bárbara García’s life stopped 8 years ago on November 27.. That day ex-wife and father of two daughters killed them in cold blood using hours where he can see minors as prescribed by the judge. Later on committed suicide. The typical behavior of the abuser is perhaps the most brutal aspect of these psychopaths, these social monsters: to take revenge on the ex-spouse by hurting the children.

Since then, Bárbara García, 48, from Cudillero (Asturias), does not live but lives. She lives in Soto del Barco in the house where she raised her daughters and now lives. She takes refuge in a bunker surrounded by her memories. “It helps me to have all this here,” she explains, a figure reminiscent of small figures filled with butterflies, hanging photos of Amets and Sara on her cell phone or on the walls: pink is Amets’s and red is Sara’s, both favorite colors.

Bárbara García bites the bullet in her pet-surrounded home (three dogs and three cats who keep her wonderful company and entertain her all day) and now takes La Nueva España from the Prensa Ibérica group to talk about their situation. Along with 25N, International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, the media and society in general are paying particular attention to this issue. The truth is, it has a cost. Not in vain, because he didn’t find it helpful to talk more about an event that ruined his life. “This won’t work for me,” she explodes. “On the contrary, It excites me, it makes me sick, I’m starting to get depressed“.

But at the same time, he finds a very powerful reason to move him to confront his dire situation:He has no government assistance or a decent job, only the help of his wife and family. – and in general, that of all victims of indirect violence: the memory of their daughters. “I like to talk about them. Be careful, not about what happened to them, not about their illness. About their pleasure, about how they will be now. Remember them,” she explains.

eight years have passed. Does the passage of time help?

Yes, it’s been eight years. But I I still stand on that date, November 27, 2014. For me, time is just passing. Not more.

How do you go on when something like this happens to someone?

He sleeps and starts. Some days I get out of bed, some days I don’t get out of there. I stay at home because I have no job, no enthusiasm or something.

There have been several cases of indirect violence in Spain recently. What goes through your mind when you see them?

I try not to watch the news because all I do is get depressed. To see more, to see that something has not changed and people in the same situation continue without serious help. They only remember us on these dates. Then there’s the gap for the rest of the year.

What would you like to say to people who went through what you went through? We have a case of a girl recently killed in Asturias. rodIn this case, by his mother.

It has no gender, but a mother carries her child within nine months, even worse if a woman can do it. I have no words of consolation for the victims. Because no matter how much you say, it doesn’t do much. I know from experience. There is little or no comfort in the face of such a thing. Also, what am I going to say to them? That it hurts less over time? This is not true It never stops hurting, you let yourself be immersed in life. Although it also depends on each person and how they face it depending on whether they find meaning in their life or not. For example, a mother I know came across the ‘Heartbeat of Butterflies’ project in a situation similar to mine. The meaning I seek in my life is to remember my daughters.

You and other women victims of indirect violence – including Ruth and José’s mother, Ruth Ortiz – formed a group. What’s up? keep in touch, lean on, reflect…

Yes, that group is still active, but Many people attended on different occasions compared to ours, it’s not proxy violence and I felt more comfortable leaving it. That’s why I started another group called ‘Therapy for All’. It’s not a very original name, but it sums up what it does. We are mothers of five and we keep in touch every day and get together somewhere in Spain whenever we get the chance. We are Ruth, Itziar, Marianela, Rocío and me. The two broke up for different reasons.

Barbara, I’m asking you the million dollar question: Do you think there are cases of children whose parents are killed by abusers that could have been prevented?

There are, of course, if the warnings are taken into account.

Do you think the condition of the victims has improved somewhat?

No. There have been many more cases since it happened to me. They continue there. Some are noisier than others. And victims like me are wrong.

His biggest goal, his obsession, has always been to keep the memory of Amets and Sara alive.

It’s not an obsession, I hope they don’t forget some puppies that unfortunately won’t leave a mark in this world or leave too short. I’m trying to keep it there.

He is taking it. There is the monolith in Soto del Barco park and the ‘Heartbeat of butterflies’ initiative that you somehow transfer to Asturias.

Yes, if I have kept his memory alive, it is thanks to the people who still empathize, put themselves in my place and help me with this. Of course, I would like it to be more, not just on special days like November 25 or the anniversary of the puppies. But as long as they let me and I get help, I will continue.