Olga Silina, a psychologist and author known for the course “Psychological Boundaries of Personality” on the Akademika platform, discusses how a parent can guide a teenager entering a period of transition. Her insights center on seven practical rules for communicating with adolescents, aimed at fostering trust, understanding, and healthy autonomy during a potentially turbulent time.
First, preparation matters. Silina emphasizes laying the groundwork well before the teen hits the most challenging stages. She advises that around ages 10 to 11, families begin candid conversations about what lies ahead, acknowledging that adolescence can be demanding while normalizing the experience. By setting expectations early, parents create a sense of predictability and safety. This preemptive approach helps both sides stay connected as the child begins to weigh the opinions of peers more heavily and test boundaries with greater independence.
Respect for the child’s inner world is another cornerstone. Silina notes that adolescents develop distinct thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and values that may diverge from those of their parents. Rather than prying into every personal detail or invading private spaces, it’s essential to acknowledge the teen’s need for some privacy. The aim is to establish a reliable line of communication so the young person knows they can reach out if something goes wrong. This builds trust and reduces the impulse to hide difficulties behind silence.
Compromise and negotiation are practical skills that strengthen family dynamics. Silina recommends teaching teens how to find middle ground with siblings, relatives, and caregivers. This involves listening, identifying common goals, and crafting solutions that respect everyone’s needs. When teens learn to bargain and collaborate, they gain confidence in their ability to influence outcomes without resorting to rebellion or withdrawal.
An important rule is to convey that actions have consequences. In a society governed by laws and social norms, adolescents must understand the real-world impact of decisions. Silina points out that parents should explain scenarios that may be unfamiliar to a teen, such as the consequences of dropping out of school. The message is not punitive but educational: choices carry weight, and responsibility is part of growing up. When teens grasp these connections, they are more likely to make informed, thoughtful decisions.
The sense of being supported matters deeply. Silina urges parents to remind teenagers that they are not alone in facing difficulties. Expressing unconditional care and ongoing presence helps adolescents feel secure enough to seek help when overwhelmed. A trusted adult—one who loves them and believes in their potential—can make a substantial difference during challenging moments. This reassurance reduces isolation and reinforces resilience.
Discouraging avoidance of tough topics is another guiding principle. If a parent returns home in a rough mood and a teen asks what happened, it’s important not to push the youth away with dismissive phrases. Empty reassurances such as “this is adults’ business” or “you wouldn’t understand” can intensify distance. Instead, open dialogue should be modeled: discuss, resolve, and set an example for handling friction in a constructive way. This practice teaches teens how to engage with problems rather than retreat from them.
Finally, Silina suggests introducing teenagers to adult life through shared experiences. Activities such as watching favorite movies together, planning outings, or tackling real-world tasks as a team help bridge the gap between childhood and adulthood. These moments offer teachable opportunities to discuss values, goals, and practical life skills in a natural, supportive setting. The overarching aim is to accompany the teen as they navigate new responsibilities while maintaining a strong, caring relationship.
In closing, the guidance offered emphasizes consistent, compassionate parenting that respects the adolescent’s developing sense of self. When families communicate openly, set clear boundaries, and demonstrate steady support, teenagers are more likely to grow into confident, responsible adults who can face the realities of adulthood with a grounded perspective. The approach is not about control but about partnership, mutual respect, and timely guidance that meets teens where they are in their growth journey.
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