Marina Yardaeva Does a person need friends 08/07/2024, 08:34

Electronic friends have started to be sold in the USA. So, a special Friend device with a built-in chatbot with artificial intelligence has appeared on the market. You can talk to this friend on demand or interrupt with your own comments, ask him for advice and even joke with him. The cost of such joy is $ 99, just a penny. And guess what? It’s not surprising news at all. On the contrary, in an age of introversion and social discord, it’s strange to learn that such devices did not exist before. It would seem that they should have appeared long ago, along with Tamagotchi. Digital husbands and wives are already being exploited by advanced users with all their might, and therefore friends have only recently thought of it. Incredible!

In general, the world today is experiencing a crisis of friendship. Although many do not realize it. I mean, many people do not see any problem in the fact that people nowadays generally have anyone but friends. Many calmly say that not only do they not have friends, but they do not need them, that friendship is a strange, outdated thing, a waste of energy, time and money, a fragility, unnecessary disappointments. Many also explain that they are completely introverted, they do not need anyone, social networks are enough for communication, and in a difficult life situation either a bank or social security will help.

But it is worth finding out how many of them there are. Many of them are still in absolute minority; so, according to VTsIOM, only 16% of Russians admitted that they have no friends (19% in the over 45 age group). But the dynamics are significant. In ten years, the number of singles has increased by 5%. And most likely, the number of fully autonomous citizens will continue to grow. This is a global trend, we are just a little late.

In the United States, for example, the number of people without friends increased from 8% to 25% between 1985 and 2011. Things are better in Britain. There, only one in ten people admit that they are completely lonely, but 49% say that they seem to have friends, but there is no time to meet them or even communicate via messengers. The Japanese have the fewest friends in the world, even on social networks. In addition, the country of the rising sun coined the term “hikikomori” (hermit) in the 1990s. This phenomenon has spread to many countries during the coronavirus pandemic. For example, in South Korea, there are now more than 5% of such hermits. More than 5% of Koreans not only have no friends, but also do not even have friendly, business-related interactions with anyone.

The prevalence of the problem is obvious. All that remains is to see if it is a problem. But perhaps fewer people means more oxygen, meaning one can breathe more freely. And most people who don’t have friends are still not completely alone. Some say that their best friend is a husband and wife, some say that their best friend is their mother, and some try to be friends with their own children. And these people claim that they are quite happy.

But it seems to me that there is some kind of cunning in this. And they say that these comrades do not look like happy people at all, this is not a matter of subjective impressions. And it’s not even that the paid service “Friend for an Hour” has already appeared in the country, and the willingness to give from 1,000 (online) to 3,000 rubles (offline) just for talking about it clearly discredits the idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhuman self-sufficiency. The fact is that friends are friends, but spouses, parents and children are still something else. Your relationship with children is based on hierarchy; with elderly parents, not everything can be shared, so as not to upset them again. Of course, if you can not be friends with your husband and wife with reservations. But who will support in this case if a divorce suddenly happens?

Simply put: Humans are social beings, even introverts. I say this as an introvert. We need others. And not only others, but also our loved ones. If there are fewer and fewer of them in our life and they appear less and less often, then we are not far from social maladaptation. And with it everything will turn upside down: studies, work (even a pathologist has colleagues), everyday life (because even this involves some kind of communication with others), health, and then, as a result, self-esteem (often, despite the root “I”, it depends more on external factors. And now you are no longer an independent introvert, but a social phobic who trembles with fear. No, not a highly active sociopath like in the magnificent Sherlock Holmes movie, you should not flatter yourself, you are an ordinary social phobic.

Another common truth: People get used to everything. And when people get used to it, they normalize everything. Even complete the game. I know this from myself.

I had a hard time. A complete ass. I was in a deep emotional and financial void. I did my best to row. I was driven 24/7. There was no time for friends. They periodically appeared with moral support. But, to be honest, then it was perceived more as a mirage. Everything was overshadowed by problems. And in general, I am used to being alone. And even when I cleaned up, for some time I thought that this was normal, due to inertia. Even calmer, no rush. Every six months I would meet with a couple of friends, overcoming tremendous resistance. And only then gradually I began to communicate with friends more often, when the fatigue that had already solved the problems, like a condensation trace from the plane, finally dissipated. That’s when I felt once again that being with friends is much better than without them. Moreover, looking back at my recent dark past, I saw several rare but bright flashes – these were friendly meetings. What was once considered pale mirages of the pit have now become the best moments of life.

So I do not believe that it is better to be friendless. I believe in the unhappiness of life when we have not yet thought of such things out of despair, but I do not believe in the self-sufficiency of a person outside of society and the immediate circle. I believe in the joy of communicating with like-minded people, that shared happiness increases and shared pain decreases, but I do not believe in the power of seclusion. I believe that solitude can sometimes be beneficial, like a bitter medicine, I know that everyone needs solitude from time to time, but I am not convinced that you can be happy and invincible by completely distancing yourself from people.

The author expresses his personal opinion, which may not coincide with the editors’ position.