Marina Yardaeva Has betrayal lost its meaning? 07/30/2024, 20:10

Hot summer is the time to talk about matters of the heart again. Moreover, we have interesting news again. Morality in our country has become either stricter or, on the contrary, freer. Either Russians began to cheat on each other less, or began to lie to sociologists more. In general, new statistics on marital fidelity have appeared here. And it is not yet clear how to interpret it.

The SuperJob portal conducted a survey on this burning topic. And just think, 69% of men and 81% of women assured sociologists that they did not cheat on their partners. 14% of men and 7% of women admitted that there was still sin in their souls. The rest (17% and 12%, respectively) blushed and refused to answer such personal questions, being confused. Interestingly, in a survey conducted by the same service 12 years ago, 28% of the stronger sex and 17% of the weaker sex admitted to cheating. Twice as much as now.

But the reasons for betrayal have remained almost unchanged for more than a decade. These are mainly family problems (14%), thirst for new experiences and a desire for variety (12%) and falling in love (9%). But there are certain features among representatives of different genders. Men often have mistresses because of the lack of sex in the family, and women are more likely to cheat out of resentment, to take revenge.

And here’s another thing. The majority of current respondents (76%) believe that divorce should follow cheating on the part of one of the spouses: living with a cheater means not respecting yourself. By the way, 12 years ago, the respondents were not asked about the consequences of infidelity. But there were other statistics. For example, according to VTsIOM, ten years ago, the most common reason for divorce was infidelity; 24% of Russians reported it. Since 2021, the main culprit of unsuccessful marriages has become financial problems (33%), and infidelity has moved into third place (14%), after lack of mutual understanding (15%).

At the same time, divorces have increased. If now about 70% of marriages break up, then ten years ago, about 55%. And our people began to marry less in principle; the number of registered marriages has decreased by an average of one third in recent years.

And you know, if you compare all these at first glance scattered and sometimes contradictory data, then it may turn out that the Russians do not cheat on anyone, they probably really began to cheat on their wives and husbands less, but not because they became so moral, but because it became easier not to lead to such crude melodramatic endings.

Philosophers of the past predicted that when the indissolubility of marriages ceased, adultery as a phenomenon would also disappear.

Of course, they were excited by the fact that this phenomenon had completely disappeared. But still, the logic of “If you fall out of love, get divorced” does not always work even now. And today people are held together not only by love, but also by children; joint mortgages are just a habit after all. And not all marriages are concluded only for love, as idealist thinkers once imagined, even in our free age. But living and loving has certainly become much easier.

And if suddenly a person, bound by Hymen’s ties, did not have some kind of affair at a corporate party, and a new extraterrestrial love fell on him, then it is really easier to get a divorce and not fool anyone. And if a person is not bound by any ties, then it is generally not clear what the problem is. I finished one story (of course, in an environmentally friendly way, and not like some kind of poison and abuser) and started a new one. They say that we live in the era of serial monogamy. But now polygamy is also possible. By mutual consent. Open any dating app. What people are not looking for: “open relationships”, “friends with benefits”, like-minded polyamorous people. What kind of betrayal is there when “nobody owes anything to anyone”?

But of course, not everyone is still so progressive (thank God). There is also a reverse trend. Either the propaganda of traditional values ​​​​worked (whatever is meant by them), or people were frightened by programs like “Betrayal” and “DNA”, but it seems that most of them really began to look more closely at various initiatives. Especially if we are not talking about one’s own possible “mistakes and mistakes”, but about the betrayal of the other half.

From my observations, an unrealistic number of people today fear betrayal.

Maybe I’m wrong. After all, there have always been enough jealous and paranoid people. Maybe they’re more visible now thanks to the internet. But to be honest, it doesn’t seem that way anymore.

Social networks are filled with endless lamentations of women and men. The first always complains about the second, claiming that they are all incorrigible womanizers, walkers and cheaters, the second accuses the first of deceit and cunning, and publishes endless myths that 30% of fathers raise stepchildren. In especially advanced cases, the first and second persons communicate with each other through different databases and private chats, set up surveillance applications, arrange checks on social networks for “believers”, write to them on behalf of a completely stranger or a secret admirer. In short, wild.

But why is that? But because everything is mixed up.

In our society, extraordinary freedom is combined with an incredible neo-Puritanism, a cynicism that is discouraging in its frankness and its reasonable hypocrisy.

And people are confused. No one knows what to expect from another. No one understands how you can continue to trust another. Others are known to be hell.

But if you still calm down, overcome your own neurosis and look around with an unbiased mind (not to the side, but around you!), then you can see that people began to value not only freedom, but also peace. not only convenience, but also honesty, not only bright emotions, but also depth. And betrayal is incompatible with this; it is too confusing and a waste of time, nerves and money. This is more about cinema and those who like to create drama from scratch. And this is increasingly about fantasies. By the way, the majority of married people on dating sites are mostly in the category of dreamers – someone ran away to fulfill their dreams.

So yes, I believe people are cheating less. Because what’s the point? There are so many opportunities for change in life without unnecessary complications! In the realm of human relations, this is certainly true.

The author expresses his personal opinion, which may not coincide with the editors’ position.