Psychologist Tatyana Muzhitskaya explains how a lack of interest in a child’s words and the routine of expert assessments of the child’s likes and hobbies can gradually loosen family bonds. She shared these insights in an interview for the program “OK in touch.”
According to Muzhitskaya, many parents struggle to truly hear their children. They often pepper them with questions, especially about how things are going at school. When the answers don’t satisfy the adults, the conversation tends to shift to an educational tone. The child can feel that his or her inner world is not valued, which chips away at trust and connection over time.
The psychologist notes that many people slip into a habit of acting as self-appointed experts in intimate relationships, including those with their children. In these moments, they judge the child’s interests and hobbies by how useful or productive they appear, rather than by the child’s own sense of meaning or joy.
She explains that families often blur the lines between being an expert and being a parent, or between being a partner in a relationship. An expert might assess a system, weigh losses and gains, or judge outcomes. But making such evaluations inside personal ties can be risky and harmful.
For instance, a parent might react harshly when a child says that physical education is their favorite subject. The parent may pressure the child to focus on alternatives deemed more valuable, attempting to steer the child toward activities that seem more useful or financially rewarding. The child’s genuine interest in physical education can be dismissed as ingratitude for the opportunities provided, or as a lack of appreciation for paid programs and clubs.
The psychologist stresses that this mode of parenting often breeds distance rather than closeness. When a child senses unpredictability or hostility in responses to their expressions, the desire to share thoughts and feelings with a parent can fade, leading to a growing emotional gap between them.
Earlier researchers have warned about the potential impact of harsh parenting on a child’s developing brain and emotional health, underscoring the lasting consequences of frequent negative labeling or dismissive attitudes toward a child’s interests.