living with pain
There are days when the world feels louder than the music. She travels the globe as a DJ, and yet the pressure of performance can sour a moment into unease. She does not have a traditional manager; she handles every detail herself, treating each booking as if she were self-employed. Half the day drifts away chasing new gigs, while the rest is spent creating new sounds, rehearsing at home, or exploring fresh technology. Even with dates lined up months in advance, a lingering worry about what comes next gnaws at her. When opportunities dry up, despair can creep in. Still, she lives alone, with no one to lean on when the tide turns. This cadence is not uncommon for her occupation, but it is not normal either, and she carries it with quiet resilience.
Always vigilant for the next wave, she adapts her performance to fit any audience. Her open format sets span indie, pop, rock, soul, disco, R&B, electro, house, and breakbeat. This vast range helps her build a vast archive of music from countless eras and genres. Four EPs mark her work as a producer, and she has lent her touch to remixes for Zahara, Love Of Lesbiyen, Vega, Niño Mutantes, Varry Brava, Dover, and Miss Caffeina, among others. The craft she pursues is vibrant, varied, and deeply personal, shaped by years of stage experience across Spain, the United Kingdom, North Africa, and parts of Europe.
Yet the dream of performing at ever larger stages has not shielded her from the instability that shadows the industry. She has learned to navigate a career that can feel like a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes she wonders if the value placed on her profession matches the effort she and countless peers invest. There are moments when the mind longs to disappear, to escape the weight of doubt and the ache of unseen risks. In those moments, she chooses to persist—holding onto a belief that this long journey is worth the struggle—and she channels the energy into creative work and advocacy. She has spoken openly about the realities of a career built in clubs, festivals, and touring, and she has written about what it means to sustain a creative life under constant pressure. A creative earthquake of ups and downs defines this path, and she continues to share her perspective with candor and grit.
Insecurity and fear
For her, financial stability and mental balance often seem like distant markers. Some venues treat artists with real respect, while others appear to view them as a courtesy, demanding invoices or terms that complicate the artists’ own workflows. A steady income remains elusive for many in the field, with some earnings tied to what is produced rather than predictable pay. The majority of performers now face varying degrees of financial precarity, and that reality shapes a cautious approach to every season. She notes that this dynamic can erode mental steadiness, especially when calls dwindle and hope falters. Still, she remains pragmatic, recognizing the landscape without bitterness and finding ways to continue creating and performing.
Her contributions have earned recognition beyond the dance floor. She has been listed among the top national DJs by a major publication in multiple years, a testament to her influence and resilience. Yet the industry’s ongoing struggle to address mental health remains a stubborn obstacle. Insecurity, fear, and anxiety persist, and many colleagues prefer silence over risk. The fear of losing work often prevents open discussions, a reality she understands even as she advocates for change. She does not blame others; she simply pursues a future where talking about mental health is as routine as discussing sets and tours. The goal is to tear down taboos that persist in society and, crucially, within the music scene. Through a direct, unflinching voice, she turns personal difficulties into mirrors that invite others to see themselves clearly. This honesty marks a first step toward a lighter life, even amid doubts. She does not claim to have conquered panic attacks, but she explains how she manages them through multiple strategies. Triggers vary, and the challenge of maintaining control remains ongoing. The fight continues, even when the mind and body seem to drift apart.