We live in a world of lonely people. We live and suffer despite the assurances of ideological ascetics about how wonderful a solitary existence can be. Lonely people get sick more often and are less likely to achieve success in almost every aspect of life. Again, contrary to myths about the incredible luck and special invulnerability of people who are not burdened by anyone. Sociologists, futurologists, economists, doctors and demographers cry out that loneliness is a serious problem for human civilization. But the problem gets worse. Including Russia.
A study on this subject was recently conducted by the dating service “Mamba”. The results are depressing. More than 54 percent of Russians admitted that they do not have a partner and feel lonely. Another 10% of users said they felt useless, misunderstood and sad even when they were in a relationship or marriage. It is interesting that Russian men tolerate isolation more. While 58% of the stronger sex suffer from loneliness, this rate is 51% for women. At the same time, 20 percent of men described their situation in isolation as terrible, while among women, only one in ten described their situation without a partner as completely painful.
What else is interesting? Of course, the fears that our people share in the context of the problem of loneliness. For example, it turned out that about a third of dating service users want to start a family, but for some reasons they cannot. And many are afraid that the family will never happen and they will not have time to have children. And then – what a surprise! — again, there is a significant gender gap. It turns out that men are twice as likely to fear not being able to have children: 17%, compared to only 8% of women.
So what prevents the unfortunate from finding their happiness among people?
This issue was also investigated. That is, it turns out that 25% believe that they are simply unlucky, that those who suffer in love cannot find their person in a huge stream of people, everyone who meets them is completely deluded. And again some gender characteristics emerged. For example, 10% of women admitted that they were unable to form a couple with anyone due to their strict requirements for potential partners. And 26% of men who used the dating offer said they didn’t know where to meet people… Unexpectedly, of course.
All this is incredibly interesting. It is especially interesting to read the complaints and aspirations of lonely Russians against the background of the idea that loneliness is still a blessing declared by many. After all, what do our unfortunate people find to justify their isolation from society? Some imagine themselves as philosophers, almost the new Nietzsche, and declare that loneliness is the destiny of the strong and brave. Others imagine themselves as the finest crystal rose and strictly observe boundaries so that God forbid anyone breaks into their personal space like a bear and breaks or crushes the treasure. Still others, following the fashion for psychological confusion, cherish any deviation from sociability and are constantly looking for more and more cockroaches in their heads – apparently, being with them is more interesting than being with warm and lively people. Well, or simpler.
Yes, the fashion for introversion has reached incredible proportions in recent years. More precisely, not for introversion, of course, but for real social phobia. And you won’t believe the size of this whole nightmare, it scares even true introverts. That’s me too. Introvert. Moreover, he is an introvert with an avoidant attachment type and schizoid accent. But, fortunately, the introvert is still socializing (yes, I had to delve deeper into myself, change the factory settings responsible for social interaction and develop various skills, as they say now). And guess what? I look at what other people do with their lives, how they isolate themselves from the world, from friendship, from love, and I can’t believe that it’s not all a bad hallucination.
And it’s really not just me. Sociologist and futurist Richard Watson is already talking about the phenomenon of automation of society. He cites terrifying figures to support this theory. Almost five million Britons don’t have a single close friend. Only 19% of millennial Americans can trust another person. In Japan, this is a complete disaster: about 70% of young people aged 16 to 19 are not even interested in sex (and this is against the background of the hormonal storm of adolescence), and more than a quarter of Japanese aged 18-39 remain virgins. There is also something going on in Germany regarding attraction to the opposite sex. Only 52 percent of Germans have sex at least once a month. This indicator is decreasing from year to year, and most rapidly in the youngest group (18-23 years old): in ten years the share of sexually active citizens (yes, activity at least once a month) fell from 38% to 24%. . This is indeed true; This is so fantastic.
OK, it’s not just the bed. After all, we are all fully conscious and spiritual now. What about daily life? The number of single households is increasing worldwide. In Russia, where authorities have fought for traditional values in recent years, this number is already almost 42%; This number is twice as high as 20 years ago. In terms of this indicator, we are even ahead of Europe, where the share of single-person households fluctuates around 33-35 percent on average. But if we compare our situation with individual countries, we still have something to strive for: Sweden, for example, has 62% of single households.
The trends are certainly sad. And it seems like people are finally starting to realize this. At least in anonymous surveys, single people increasingly talk about problems rather than the joy of self-sufficiency. But this is already good. It’s great that the reflection vector changes. You see, based on the idea that being alone is bad, people will eventually start thinking about how to improve their enviable situation. That is, not only will they suffer because everyone around them is different in some way, not everyone is suitable, but they will actually begin to care for others, take care of others, and reduce the distance between themselves and others.
Awareness of the problem, as we know, is the first step to solving it. The important thing is not to be afraid at the last moment and not to turn back from the difficult path that has opened. Sometimes it is better to formalize some complex issues. Thus, the World Health Organization established a special commission to combat loneliness, a commission responsible for establishing social connections in the world.
It seems to me that every unhappy lonely person can organize such a commission in his confused inner world. Organize and carry out appropriate diagnostic activities, outline a plan of action and set deadlines for resolving the problem. So maybe things will become more fun, the world will gradually become free of pressure. And then, who knows, depression, for example, will decrease, the level of anxiety will decrease, and the heart will misbehave less. And your mood will generally improve.
The author expresses his personal opinion, which may not coincide with the position of the editors.