At the end of February, almost every day, hundreds of people wrote to me that I was a creature, a bastard, a bastard. A drone will be sent to my village. That they’re going to grab me and smash my face, take pictures, and definitely find my kid and show him how pathetic and despicable his mother is. For what? For staying in Russia and not running to give up my passport, my culture, my history.
Whatever my attitude towards the Russian authorities in the past, they promised me a trial at The Hague and the gallows for the text that I never wanted my army to die.
Then the hero of my journalistic investigation, which has nothing to do with Ukraine or the military, slyly wanted to put me on the sanction list.
They sent me open letters, I refused to sign – they told me I was going to the gallows again.
Well, and so on – trifles: they promised that in a month we will all pick autumn potatoes in the fields, that the citizens who left will come back and judge us, that if we do not die, we will rot in the camps. starving before. Our esteemed compatriots, who took 150 rubles per dollar and fled to Tbilisi, Yerevan and Istanbul by themselves, said that the rest of us are cattle, that soon we will have a counting stick instead of a computer, and we will. Zhiguli have to travel by and defend long-term queues for them.
Our compatriots, who fled from all over the world, demanded the banning of Dostoevsky, described their state as ridiculous rewards and transferred money for the needs of the Ukrainian Armed Forces. They lived as if Russia did not exist, or as if its guaranteed end had been foreseen.
Much has been said from within the country. And they demanded that their passports be taken away. And nationalize the homes of those who fled. “Don’t hold back!” “Get out of the cinemas!” “Damn the whole country!”
A month later, both camps fell silent – thoughtfully. A month later, nerve irritation began on both sides. And at the end of the third month, here the “scumbags” were relieved, because nothing collapsed anywhere, and there the bright faces went crazy, counting the losses with horror.
Frankly, most of our compatriots of both political denominations behaved in February and March as if Russia, at least in its current form, did not exist in April. Everyone built their plans, their behavior, their tactics of dealing with each other and with the authorities, based on the axiom that everything collapses. But some decided to flee, others, heroically or not, decided to stay in their homeland. Some took their children from school on the eve of the exam, traded all their savings with speculators, and some frankly fled into the dark. Some felt that Russia was covered and they needed to save themselves faster. Others believed that the same cover would come to us, but they, wise, freedom-loving, honest, would be back to dancing on this cover in a month.
We didn’t go anywhere with one-way tickets. They rented cheap flats for a month or two in the outskirts of Tbilisi or Istanbul. By May they began to move into communal apartments and hostels. They were fed by the pathos of free thought.
Others were acting strangely, too. So, it’s as if the curtain will now come down and they will forever remain in the heroic friendship of our unbroken soul. They tore contracts with European partners, cursed with immigrant relatives, even burned public passports and cut bank cards.
Let’s be honest: in February-April, a significant number of our compatriots fell into unequaled anger, and for two months they were busy pissing themselves off.
They talked to each other as if they would never see each other again. And almost no one was ready for the fact that at the end of May the euro will be 60 rubles each, all multicookers with TVs will be halved, and building materials will be cheaper than in January.
Few people assumed that by the summer of 2022 everything would calm down and prices would stabilize in our country. I do not proudly note, I was among those who made such a prediction in early March. And he immediately advised: Dear citizens, have a plan B in case nothing crashes.
Such calls were almost unheard of in the politicized segment of society at that time. No one wanted to stop and think: What if nothing radically changed in our lives? Where will those who flee to Yerevan, to Tbilisi go, will not be able to sit there forever, will they have to live on something? And those who foolishly rush to Israel. Those who leave their jobs, families, hopes here. They were not ready to sit there for years.
For example, Chulpan Khamatova – would she really live her whole life in Latvia? Or the manager of an IT company who suddenly flew to Istanbul on February 25 and looked like an owl on the balcony of the hostel. Or a couple of bohemian wives, he is a writer, he is a musician, they both flew to Paris with a crowd of children, where there is neither a residence nor a residence permit.
What should they do now? And how can we live next to them? Those who say ‘destroy us’ will go back to those who want their passports revoked. They’ll be back, that’s obvious, most of them have nowhere to go. And you can’t let them in, they’re the same citizens. Boris Grebenshchikov, who raised 12 million dollars for Ukraine, and a grandmother from the People’s Liberation Movement have the same passports. All they can do is get away from each other.
We should reflect on some basic norms of coexistence with one another.
Previously, we were a nation of “stupid +” and “bright-faced people” as these two camps called themselves. Difficult but not deadly. And now we are a country of “scumbags” and “traitors”, scoundrels for those who left, traitors who fled, especially from there to bombard us and make us bread and water.
How can we live now? You have to somehow. Russia became one for all. For many, this was a far more unpleasant discovery than the fact that he had survived three months and absolutely nothing had happened to him. The people who ruined their own lives and the lives of their children are slowly coming back. None of us have the power or right to influence this.
All we can do is act on our ideas of civic honor and generosity. Yes, those who write that we are cattle and that we must roll onto the asphalt will turn to us. Yes, we can only take one breath. Or don’t shake hands. Yes, we should not fall into hysteria, demand pressure, be mentally prepared for the fact that these people will appear on television again, give concerts, have holidays and parties, write articles. While some may not be able to return to their old life and work, others will be able to. And for those whom they call scoundrels and cattle, all that remains is to vote in rubles: do not buy tickets, do not read articles.
Is the opposing party demanding that the “traitors” be stripped of their citizenship ready for this? What about the Anti-War Committee that came up with the idea of printing the passports of good Russians? There they lobbied for three months to include thousands of people, including the dead, on their sanctions lists. They asked the Russians to close everything, to ban everything. However, it turned out that neither Europe nor the States were ready for this. This means that soon there will be many of those offered to be considered bad Russians. And journalists of the central TV channels, as well as artists of guest theaters, will be allowed to go there. Our immigrants, who already make themselves too angry to be good, need to learn to live with it somehow. And remember that this can take years. Already in a year everyone will forget that the Ukrainian conflict may not be of interest to anyone in Europe, and only the Anti-War Committee will absurdly spray poisonous saliva and be ridiculed.
We need to agree on how we’re going to coexist.
And the international community should have such a consensus. They obviously hadn’t expected austerity for years, either. Russia is not Iran, it didn’t happen like that. Now they too have to answer the question: Are they ready to lose or not? And with regard to the Ukrainian refugees, the matter has already matured: millions fled to Poland, they were resettled among the Poles. It is unlikely that anyone would think that in three months there will be decisive conflicts in eastern Ukraine and the rest of the country will lead an almost normal life. Explain to the Polish residents the danger of the tyrants escaping from Lvov and why they are not in Lvov if they do not shoot there.
Life gradually calmed down everywhere. The excitement subsided, especially those of the impressionable regained their senses. All guns shrugged – nothing was missing. Chauvinist patriots, who demand to deprive the alarmists and “traitors” of their citizenship, also shrug – no one is thrown anywhere. Calm peaceful life. Pensions are increased. What has become of the ruble… Roads are being built, schools are being repaired, movies are being shown… Here, besides the problem of the coexistence of the “villains” with the “traitors”, there is another important question: how long should we observe the mourning of knowledge? We talked about a Ukraine for a month. Well, the second one. The third passed – our life has not changed. We tour the theaters, prepare for the beach season, learn new recipes, but pretend we are just busy following the news on social networks.
Yes, we can grow old if we consider it inappropriate to post a photo from a birthday. How many people, from residents of social networks to artists, have remained silent, believing that it is no longer appropriate to joke, laugh, talk about vacations, summer cottages, shopping. It is not appropriate to live a so-called ordinary life.
Someone should stand up now and say out loud that there is not only one country for all, but also life – one for all. Neither for a good Russian passport, nor for the letter Z on the forehead, the latter has not yet been given to anyone.
We need to talk not only about life in a new reality, but also about the legitimation of this conversation. After all, our nerves are not iron, we can not constantly discuss news from Ukraine. Moreover, less news comes from there.
A terrible truth for some: for Ukrainians, life will never be the same after the conflict with us, and ours has not changed much either. We will crush the news from there for another month or two and return to our previous work. We’ll post selfies, go to goddamn online marathons, wait for new dramas, go to the sea. No problem. We will continue to be accepted abroad, we will not be given a black mark. Almost all those fleeing our “Mordor” in the spring will turn their heads to us. Some of us will be recruited by people who say until recently that only fascists remained in Russia. Someone’s neighbors will fly out of Tbilisi with their noses drooping, laying all their bones on the hard beds of a penny hostel. Their children will return to school, our children will help them prepare again for the exam they missed. The children of the “good Russians” will fly from Latvia and play with the children of the “bad Russians” who draw the letter Z on their cars.
The collapse did not occur. Life is inevitable. In the new reality, where passports are issued to new citizens and the euro is no longer 90 rubles, it is likely that many years of calm life lie ahead. That’s it, it will be no different from life before February. We can’t afford hysteria with foam on the mouth and poison on the tongue if we can’t agree now on how we should all continue to live together.
The author expresses his personal opinion, which may not coincide with the editors’ position.