When a second child appears in the family, the eldest feels a lack of attention. But this should not be allowed, otherwise it threatens the first-born with injuries that in adulthood will lead to an inability to love and build both partnerships and marital relations with other people. Psychologist Kira Makarova told socialbites.ca about this.
According to the expert, the most common scenario that develops in first-born babies who experience attention deficit after the birth of their second child is only superficially relating to others.
“The percentage of love that a person who has not received love in childhood can give is extremely low. He can no longer perceive the other as he is and loves only conditionally. Also, firstborns with attention deficits generally have trouble understanding the emotion of love. They do not know that it is possible to listen carefully, to show genuine interest in and selfish love of another. All this is due to the fact that the child did not have a similar model of relationships in childhood, ”said the psychologist.
He noted that such patterns of behavior are formed due to the mistakes of parents who, after the birth of their second child, forgot about the first child, forcing him to sit with him at their own expense, or scolding him for refusing to help. with the child
“Oftentimes, parents give older children the role of helper: go for a walk with the little one, do homework with the middle one, etc. But every child should have a childhood. And when a parent literally forces them to show love to a brother or sister, it only exacerbates jealousy. Especially when it is accompanied by manipulations and statements such as “you are not grateful”, “you do not appreciate everything we do, is it really difficult to sit down with your brother”. Respect the interests and privacy of each child. You can’t spread toys or take things from the big ones and give them to the little ones because they need them more. Just like you can’t force kids to babysit children in a way that hurts them, ”advised Kira Makarova.
The expert recommended that in a large family, every child should be treated as an only child and that none of them should be considered secondary.
“Every child needs attention, and it’s not about quantity, it’s about quality and involvement of parents. Make eye contact with children, listen carefully, ask questions that show interest in personality, games, life. Even half an hour of staring at pictures or watching a favorite cartoon with a child speaks volumes about a parent’s love more than just an hour’s leisurely stroll through the mall on the weekend. You need to communicate with the child – this is the main thing that is right, ”said the psychologist.
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