Blanca Lacasa, author of ‘Scary Girls’: “Men can say their mothers are the best because they can escape that suffocating presence”

“It’s a topic I’ve talked about with many of my friends for a long time. Every time the topic was brought up, 4-5 people would say that the same thing had happened to them. Even people I didn’t know joined in. Very proudly, as if I could finally talk about it,” Lacasa says of an event that made him realize the magnitude of the problem later Episodes of La Flaneadoraprogram on Madrid City Council radio station M21 It could be heard anywhere in the world on the station’s website until the council decided to eliminate it. and with it the entire file.

“Although it was a local program, suddenly a lot of people started writing to me and thanking me for speaking out on the subject and questioning the deification of the mother figure, which actually has a lot of chiaroscuro that has a lot to do with the reading of this program.” fierce loyalties By Vivian Gornick, a woman who is not of my generation, who comes from New York, who comes from another cultural or educational tradition, but who tells the same thing that happened to me or what my friends told me. “I’m convinced there’s something to discuss there.”

It was created as a literary article, containing references to scientific studies, expert statements, songs by Mari Trini, passages from the works of Jeanette Winterson, Esther Tusquets, and dialogues from films. wild heart, Mater Amatísima anyone marnieone of his achievements scary girls is to include many testimonies from girls, some of whom are now mothersIt describes what their relationship with their parents is like.

“At first I suggested they come forward with their real names, but most of them told me: ‘Let’s see if my mother gets it and she recognizes me.’, so I thought: ‘Let’s see, but how many Marías are there on planet Earth? Or Irenes? Or Palomas?’ Then I realized there was something therapeutic about these expressions, so it made sense to respect that anonymity. Moreover, I liked it better that all the statements were on the same level, because usually in confessional literature about mothers and daughters everything revolves around the author’s statement. Alison Bechdel anyone Simone de Beauvoir. For me, it is important in this sense that not only people with a certain interest can tell their stories. Anonymity puts everyone on the same level and prevented the reader from trying to do anything Who is who?“.

Thanks to these testimonies scary girls It disrupts one of the hallmarks of toxic and oppressive relationships between mothers and daughters, resulting in exponentially harmful effects for both parties: silence.

“Many factors are involved in silence. For example, fear, blameThis is a feeling we women have, or shame, for being a bad mother or a bad daughter. These are all unrivaled tools of social control, or rather social self-control, because you don’t have to have someone come and tell you to shut up, but you suppress yourself and say: ‘Oh, it’s not me.’ clear beneficiary: men.

“Along with shame, fear and guilt, women are also given the idea that we are responsible for the care. For our mothers’ generation, those who do not have children are a little incomplete. More precisely, we failed to complete the evolutionary cycle. Even when this happens and you have siblings, You immediately become your mother’s caregiver. Because it is made clear to you from an early age that you are born to take care of someone. That way, if you’re not taking care of someone you fathered, you’ll have to take care of the person who fathered you. When this happens, women don’t even have the right to be angryBecause anger is an accepted emotion in male psychology, but not in female psychology.”

These differences in relationships with their mothers also ensure that men are not subject to the dictatorship of motherhood. Not only are they more liberal, but they also tend to perpetuate the glorification of that maternal figure, thus contributing to the oppression of mothers and sisters. “They might say their mom is the best and they might even get those tattoos. Love of Mother because they can escape this stifling existence and even the social demands that apply to mothers but not to fathers.. We all know the characteristics of the perfect mother, but what is the perfect father like? There are no rules in this case, and you actually became the cool dad and lived up to your expectations by doing four things and taking the kids for a walk on Saturday.

Despite the complexity of the situation, Blanca Lacasa is optimistic about getting relationships between mothers and daughters back on track. “I think that girls who are now mothers and have this trait in their DNA are trying to change this behavior and make amends with their parents as much as possible, in order not to repeat it in their daughters. To begin with, Mothers need to break free from the pressure that forces them to be perfect Then he criticizes them when they fail. In fact, this book calls on daughters to stop blaming their mothers and think or think about what we can do; because they are our lives and therefore our responsibility. If we don’t do this, we will be doing the same thing as daughters that we criticize our mothers for: complaining because they don’t meet our expectations. Because deep down it’s more common than it seems Relationships between mothers and daughters are a permanent game of mirrors“.