Tyutya

I recently learned an instructive story.

A certain female philologist had taken over a file of unpublished manuscripts by Nikolai Tikhonov, Konstantin Vaginov, Nikolai Chukovsky, Pavel Luknitsky, Vsevolod Rozhdestvensky, and many other poets and cultural figures of the first half of the 20th century. A certain colleague, attention, also quoted: “He asked me to take this folder to his house for a while to decipher the materials. Out of the kindness and simplicity of my soul, I gave him the entire file. This is an excerpt from a tearful letter from its former owner to the journalist who spoke about it. The stewardess suddenly became obsolete, because this person does not give her these priceless documents. Brazenly says: “Prove it!”.

Of course, this person is a thief, a scoundrel and that’s it. No questions here.

But I have a question for this woman: Who would you be to give away such a treasure for a few weeks? Will you allow this precious relic to be removed from the house?

If we answer this question together, I think we will understand what has happened to us for decades. With us as humans and with us as humans.

When a good acquaintance (I will not pronounce the holy word “friend”) borrowed money and did not repay the debt, as if forgot, and for some reason it is a shame to remind you, and returning to this topic after two years is somehow stupid. It is not pleasant for a friend to refuse you a favor or something because he wants to make a profit by selling that thing or providing a service to someone else for a lot of money.

In all these and similar cases, of course, I’m on the side of a man who, as they say, is sold at triple the price.

But there are times when I cannot sympathize with the deceived idealist.

I know several such stories. They all relate to books or archival materials (letters, manuscripts, drafts, etc.).

The stories are the same.

“We had a book at home signed by Akhmatova and even had lines added to two poems. One girl, my classmate, asked her to read it at home, literally one night, to rewrite it. And then she said she lost him.

“I received a letter from my grandmother from Pasternak… It is very worn and faded. A friend of mine said he would take a contrast photo. And he said that a photographic lamp was on in the morning.

“At home, rummaging through the shelves, I suddenly found a real album from the mid-19th century, containing incredible things: poems by various poets and autographs of famous people of that time. A friend of the science candidate asked me to let him write and check the papers. “Please!” I said. Then he said: “Well, I’ll stay at your house, you have a husband-child-family house, I’ll take it literally Saturday-Sunday, I’ll check everything and bring it on Monday.” And on Monday, “What album? What is Nekrasov’s signature? You had a dream!”
There is a Russian word “tyutya” – it means a helpless hick.

Strange – but I do not feel sorry for this tulle and burdock, which are victims of thieving mockers.

Of course, I condemn mocking thieves with all my might, despise and wish them the worst. But mugs and tyut – I do not even know … No, I do not regret!

When I said this out loud, they immediately objected to me: these are not stupid, but deeply honest people who accept other people equally well, so they generously share with them. And in general – deeply decent people measure everyone on their own, which is why they often become victims of dishonorable people.

Unfortunately, this is not entirely true. It’s not even like that.

It is necessary to help your friends, to give them money, to give something, to share your last shirt at the expense of your own comfort. But it is impossible to give a family heirloom for at least five minutes.

Pasternak’s letter to dad, or a book of poems Anna Akhmatova presented to her grandmother, or a collection of autographs collected by great-grandfather are family treasures that are valued not with money, but with the spirit of their ancestors, sorry. Like a veil from a mother’s wedding dress – they do not allow the child to play fisherman and fish.

It’s weird that people don’t understand this. They do not see the difference between borrowed money and family memory. This is the first.

Second, you don’t have to measure everyone yourself. Measuring everyone on their own is a serious psychological flaw, the absence of a “role-playing mechanism”, the inability to imagine a partner’s point of view, the inability to predict their actions according to their values ​​and not their own. and their attitudes on his interests.

People who measure everyone by themselves are exhausting to the point of inadequacy. Some bombard you with mountains of information, quotes and foreign words, others always offer you a drink or go out for fun, others drive you crazy with their political fanaticism, the fourth … I think the reader himself find a dozen more examples.

But the third – tutya and tutya, because his heart is empty.

It should not be thought that these are only infinitely intelligent people, and that love and trust for everyone around them bloom in their hearts.

Let me elaborate a little more on my position here. There is no reason or purity here. They simply have no idea about the family heirloom, the embodied memory of generations. Not only that, they cannot predict how their acquaintances will behave.

More serious here.

They do not really love their loved ones – in fact, they do not love, although they say various nice words. Because they can leave the family without a salary, that is, without bread, because “a friend asked for money, he needs it urgently but I don’t know why, he said he really needs it, he is my friend!! !”. So a friend is worth more than a wife and a child.

And most importantly – they do not divide people into good and bad. To those who can and should be trusted – and those from whom it is better to stay away. Those who should rush to help – and those who should be sent to hell. That is, they do not distinguish between people – which means that they are essentially indifferent to people. As a person who does not distinguish between aspen and alder, reed and water lily, starling and thrush, he is actually indifferent to nature. Although she can sigh romantically about her love for her natural outdoors, birds and leaves.

Tyuti love themselves more than anything else in the world. They are ready to “give everything” not out of love for an unfamiliar neighbor, but out of fear of “looking bad” in front of this girlfriend who now wants her mother’s earrings or borrows money without a receipt.
They don’t even get receipts, not because they “trust people” but because they fear they will be accused of distrust, i.e., again, afraid of “being bad” in front of a random person.

But at the same time, they are not afraid of disappointing their families, their wives or husbands, their parents and children. Why? Why? The child will endure, as they are sure that his wife or mother will forgive. But if a friend or girlfriend accuses them of insecurity or greed, they have a sharp blade. So, they are essentially – in fact – cynical and consumers.

A bit of childish narcissism. The desire to appear good, kind, disinterested in the here and now – often at the expense of the family. These are their hearts, sorry. Therefore, tyutya can be a dangerous person.

My friend told me about her – now ex-husband:

“He’s a dude! He’s kind, reliable, blue-eyed. I loved it for him. After the first sex, I believed I flew away from him. A week later I showed him two strips, he hugged me, kissed me, took me to the registration office. And then, my friends told me that the boy was my ex. when she explained that she would be one hundred percent similar – my ex’s name is Anzor, well, you know what will happen … – then she suddenly thought that I had a miscarriage. I was so upset, I took her to Karlovy Vary to improve my health.

I used to say to him: I have a friend, Marinka, he needs money urgently, I’m going to scribble something pathetic, as if there is nothing to eat before payday, I need to give him at least a thousand, not to lend, so what should I buy? give – he will give three thousand! It’s like “it’s inconvenient to help friends so fluently”. Three grand and Marinka and I will sit them in a cafe, class!

I was just happy, the first year. And then it suddenly turned out that she wasn’t just a very good aunt to me. Earring needs help, Pashka needs help, mom needs help with repairs – look how much money has been spent! “What, don’t we need to rest?” “Well, yes, we’ll find something, but to be more humble, we’re helping shut people down, that’s more important!” And he looks with blue eyes, naively, gently …
Then I learned that there was another woman with a child with him. Second family, sort of. Better a bad man than such a bastard.

There are people who are embarrassed in front of their family and friends.

– Sorry old man, I ran, my wife is waiting for dinner, it is inconvenient for me to be late.

It’s clean. On the one hand, you have an old college friend you haven’t seen in ten years and won’t see again for the same amount of time, until they meet again at random on the street. On the other – his wife, with whom he lived half his life, and who will live the second half.

But vice versa.

– I am tired of waiting for you!
– Yes, I suddenly met Venka Palkin from our course on the street. Literally, this and this … It was inappropriate to interrupt the conversation.
That is, in front of an almost unfamiliar, semi-familiar person – in front of an uncomfortable, strange, but relative, close person – this is appropriate. This is understandable – the native will already forgive. And half-familiar – yes, the devil knows what to think.

Let’s be a little selfish.

Let’s love those who are uncomfortable in front of us, who can fight with someone for our sake.
Let us not love those who cause us discomfort or even pain for the sake of someone’s temporary approval.

The author expresses his personal opinion, which may not coincide with the editors’ position.