thank god mom, i’m not a blogger

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I once worked as a culture reporter for one of the main TV channels, I won’t say which, now all their names sound like selective profanity. We also had a “watching” format in which every reporter, regardless of species, sub-species, or habitat, had to “work” about explosions and fires once a week as needed. I always refused to be on duty, I don’t know why. And when he refused, he could not fully formulate the reason for his refusal. He apparently understood that he was no use to me in the normal field of reporting. But one day I agreed and they threw me into the fire. When we finally arrived, it was already smoldering. I tried to pass, but was stopped by a janitor or guard who wouldn’t let me, a federal television reporter. Perfectly formulated: “Watch it on TV tomorrow!”. “But we are the television,” I said honestly. So if we don’t shoot today, we won’t be able to watch tomorrow. But he stuck to his word without changing it in any way – it was very good.

I have to brag, we never pulled the report. “Watch” failed as predicted.

“Watch it on TV tomorrow,” he said to the TV and didn’t let me in. After all, it’s a koan. Classic paradox. aporia It’s deeper than it looks. Why will Achilles never catch up with the tortoise? Why a report about a fire on Shabolovka Street will never appear on TV.

I love it. I’ve been collecting examples of such logic for a long time. For example…

Town – I won’t tell you where. Literally the entire small town, from small to large, has pinned all their hopes on a great miracle: that is, gain fame and money on TikTok. Or, really, there is no other way to win. Or is it the classic fantasy of a chronically poor man: to get rich suddenly, immediately – with the classic goal: not to work. And now, day and night, everyone is debating what content will go viral: A more experienced guy says it will definitely go viral. Yep, that’s for sure – junior bloggers wisely agree. No one really understands how to monetize TikTok, but it has to be monetized somehow. And what, do they give clothes or money there?

In fact, monetization is even harder than other social networks, the visibility algorithm is even more deceptive, and it may be that more than 5% of all subscribers don’t see the post. Or anyone.

A 15-year-old teenager decided to become a celebrity. And even started to succeed. It is already known on the streets. But Churchill said: Do not bet all the money in roulette on one number. After all, Confucius said: Do not become critically dependent on a social network. It will end badly. One day the car will turn into a pumpkin.

Parents are quite serious about the profession of their son, but first they want him to be famous, and only then they spend all his time in this garbage. Logically. Love. Become famous on tiktok first, then spend time on this tiktok.

Then, by nature, he has pitch black hair, first yellow, then gray, then blue – that’s how he understands what is called “searching for oneself” and “being original.” He takes everything seriously and apart from that, it is very interesting what kind of ingredients they usually cook for tik-tok in their town.

The guy is so determined to win that he’s getting really popular. Well, here, of course – bang, fuck – tik-tok is blocked. And all these young people who did not save their lives and gain followers are now on the verge of suicide. They don’t know how to live. Overall, a disaster. And again comes the famous Leninist slogan: “Bloggers – to the factory!”.

They shoot goodbye videos and tearfully promise their subscribers that they will not commit suicide. But there is no such certainty.
The drama described took place in India. I didn’t say exactly where in the beginning, because it’s obvious that this could happen anywhere. Yes, and it happens everywhere and even regularly.

In May 2020, TikTok was indeed banned in India, like many other Chinese products, because India and China had graters on the border. Border guards fought there. It didn’t come to firearms, they fought epic battles with fists and sticks but there was severe media outrage and Chinese tik-tok was banned. Such a drama.

More precisely, there was a drama in Moscow on the screen of the Oktyabr cinema as part of the Doker festival, in the Let it doc program, I could not understand the concept of the festival and especially what this part was, but I like it more than others, they show technology here. A documentary film about technology is often a film about different types of addiction to technology. By the way, the name of the movie is “15 seconds of life”. Or “15 seconds – and all life.” 15 seconds for a lifetime. This is the original length of the tik tok video. By the way, exactly 15 seconds, as the latest experiments of non-British scientists (and all scientists from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and this is often, according to some ratings, the best university in the world) found out, give the phenomenon a “field of continuity”, that is, “real ‘ is called. It turns out that the present time is exactly 15 seconds. The famous moment between the past and the future was “controlled by algebra” and its meaning was named by numbers. Experiments have shown that every moment of our life lasts 15 seconds. The present we perceive at any given moment is actually the sum of the last 15 seconds of our lives. Oh, it increased the duration of tik tok videos in vain, it was necessary to stick to the original 15 seconds. They are magical. They have reached the very core of the universe.

Actually, there are not many films that try to understand mass culture. And I love them separately. As much as I dislike mass culture, I greatly appreciate its grasp.

There is a pernicious view that the object of understanding art is traditionally either very high and valued, or the life of the social base with its problems and ulcers, or a fashionable alternative gender theme. The content produced by social networks is considered low, insignificant and embarrassing as an object of the director’s attention. This is wrong.

We had a similar story with social networks a few months ago, when cold-hearted thin, trendy lips sobbed loudly about their disappearing hyper-accounts and everyone around them snorted in anger at them. Apparently, some famous companies also cut their expensive bags for some reason, which banned them. It was such a hara-kiri in front of the criminal that Nastasya Filippovna spoke so much. Considering the general situation, tears caused only disgust and pessimism. The devil played a cruel joke on you, beauties, now to start all over again, but how … Better to get into the loop. But my mother said: first become famous – then spend time with this garbage.

The author expresses his personal opinion, which may not coincide with the editors’ position.

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