Maria Bashmakova Why Russian women accept being second wives 28.12.2024, 08:00

After the interview of 40-year-old polygamist Ivan Sukhov with Sasha Sulim, his personality excited journalists, officials, psychologists and ordinary citizens. A thick-bearded man invented a cult named after him, dreaming of repeating the experience of the Old Testament patriarch, or even God, by gaining immortality in children. With the insistence of a missionary, he lays out his doctrines, explaining the purpose of a man and a woman, but unfortunately the question remains as to what kind of work he is doing behind the scenes. Let him leave the words to his wives about the Geländewagen bought “with potatoes”.

Enough has been said about Ivan; It is much more interesting to understand the motives of his “wives”. Sukhov said he lived with three women and 14 children in a three-room apartment in Moscow. Not all those selected accepted the harem arrangement, some left and the remaining rules were accepted. Ivan formulates one of them as follows: “A woman must perform a woman’s function – cook, take care of children.” Thus, when the head of the family decides, they work with him by having sexual intercourse and giving birth to children. By the way, Sukhov believes that “housework is not work, but care,” so wives should wait for their masters with food, with a smile and in proper form – “rested”, and therefore all wives are prescribed to do Pilates.

The slogan on Sukhov’s VKontakte page is: “It’s good to know how to love!” (punctuation preserved). The dream of a polygamist is to leave a strong child. As he explains, if he cannot produce at least 50 offspring, he has failed. Or, as he puts it, it means “stupid.” He confidently breaks records by raising the country’s demographics in one circle: he awaits the birth of his 30th heir.

Here it is worth slowing down and thinking about why a man who cannot buy an apartment for every woman so stubbornly wants to procreate. The first thought is pragmatic: Living with child benefits is very convenient. But Ivan Sukhov, of course, is not like that, so let’s reject this offensive idea. The second thought is mental deviation. A man who does not belong to himself is trying to establish himself by increasing the number of his children: Look how many of me there are, I am strong, I am immortal! Anyone unlucky enough to give birth to such a cub. “Why would you have sex if you’re not going to have a baby? If it’s just for fun, then it’s not about me. What’s the point of having a family if you don’t have many children? The more the better. Three dozen is nothing. “They grow up and fly away from the nest,” he chopped.

“You will work freelance and each will have a separate spouse!” – A strange remark for a woman with an Eastern mentality, familiar to the viewer from the movie “White Sun of the Desert”. But the polygamist Ivan declares a different rule: “My wives do not work. Because if a woman works, she is already a man wearing a skirt.” Wives do not have the right to drive a car, meet their girlfriends, and all expenses must be approved by the “master”. But the people with whom Sukhov lives have professions – doctor, investigator and bailiff. So they have education, they have experience and they can make a living if they want. But they voluntarily refused to do so. And the “marriage” of each lasts a long time – 10-18 years. The oldest spouses are around 40 years old. Ivan is officially married first to Natalya. The “average” wife is Anna. The third “wife” dresses like a Muslim. What happens to women when they cannot give birth is not a completely open question, just like why Sukhov’s chosen ones are ready to give birth, but turn a blind eye to the conditions in which children grow up.

The fate of Ivan’s daughters, whom he “wooed” from early childhood and chose only polygamists as husbands, is overshadowed. If a child plans to get an education, you should not count on the help of his father: he expects obedience from his offspring and… new children and is ready to feed them until they reach adulthood. In any case, not all children accept this lifestyle, but since they grew up in such a family, they perceive it as the norm. However, no one asked their daughters if the spouses accepted the harem conditions as adults. But I would like to ask: how is it possible to study and do homework in a one-room house in a three-room apartment, in a family of 19 people?

“These women came to terms with themselves and consciously accepted the conditions,” says family psychologist Natalya Panfilova. “I don’t know how mothers explain these living conditions to their children or when they break away from this society. This is women’s responsibility and I have a big question: Who do they think more about? themselves or their children? There is a lot here from the norms accepted in society. Of course, this will affect children too. It’s hard to say how. Maybe there will be an early departure from this madhouse. And some of the children turn into zombies, like in a cult, then maybe the child will try to hide from prying eyes. But in such a community, if the organizer cannot keep everyone in obedience, there must be a fracture somewhere.”

While Mr. Sukhov plays the role of “god” or “president” as he puts it, producing new dogmas for his harem, his women share the same man and face the fact that their children know that the father sleeps with different people. mothers.” If the polygamist’s friends agreed with everything, then the chairman of the State Duma Committee on Family, Women and Children, Nina Ostanina, was categorically opposed to the polygamist’s lifestyle in his family. The MP said: “If he thinks that it is normal to live in a three-room flat with many spouses and children, this is a sign of some kind of deviation.” State Duma deputy Vitaly Milonov agrees with his colleague and defines the lifestyle of a polygamist as “the result of the uncontrolled life of a mentally ill person.” TV presenter Ksenia Borodina expressed herself more emotionally: “It’s good that I didn’t interview this wonderful person. Otherwise, this pan, which should cook for 18 people per hour, would fly into his face. Please invite him to a cooking show and let him cook for 18 people per hour.”

For the Russian mentality, such a scenario is atrocity in every respect: ethical, legal, religious. Ladies are guided by different reasons: someone decides that a woman will be lost without a man, but here he is young and “tender”: he probably will not leave her hungry. From the outside, it’s as if the ladies re-watched the TV series “The Magnificent Century” and confused Ivan and Sultan Suleiman, competing to see who can give birth to the prince and heir the fastest. Or maybe another movie stuck in the depths of my soul, it was not in vain that they chose a man named Sukhov. “One wife loves, one sews clothes, one cooks, one feeds the children and is all alone? Difficult!” – Gyulchatay admired the “White Sun of the Desert”. If the sighs of the naive girl amused the Soviet audience, some of them took the “Eastern lifestyle in the Russian style” as a role model. Let me remind you: a self-respecting Muslim is obliged to take care of all his wives equally : He bought an apartment for one of them, so the second one does the same. Ivan went his own way in this matter. According to the Quran, polygamous union is normal, but all Muslim women, both ethnic and Russian, are loyal to it and are free from jealousy. It should not be thought that it is.

Not everyone celebrates polygamy in Russia. And more often this is due to religious-ethnic conditions and social reasons. In the Leningrad region, a 50-year-old businessman from Turkmenistan proposed to his 40-year-old Russian girlfriend; His girlfriend agreed, despite the warning that he already had a wife in his hometown. By local standards he is an eligible bachelor, standing on his own two feet, plus a child was born in a relationship with a Russian woman and the man has dual citizenship. He did not plan to live in his hometown, his first wife did not want to move to Russia, and he fulfilled his relatives’ will by marrying a woman from his country. Therefore, everyone is happy: the clans have become relatives, and the man with dual citizenship has chosen a wife to his heart’s content. And the fact that he is not the only one is a legal nuance. A woman who agrees to such a union may reason like this: “There are few men, but at least I have one”; or: “I’m not 20 anymore, who needs me to have children?”; or “I’m not married, I can leave if I want, but for now stable sex and food”; “We have a team; If I get sick or tired, they will help me.” Humiliating? Yes. Not every woman wants to dive into a harem tale. And Sukhov’s chosen ones entered into relationships with oriental humility and Russian self-sacrifice, accepting the oddities of the “beloved”, the main thing was “nearby”, they do not care about their pride and the interests of the children. violated both today and in the future. In other words, by choosing a drone husband who cannot provide for everyone, these wives encourage his immaturity and selfishness, but their fun is not childish. Yes, in parallel with Ivan, his wives are forbidden to have sex with other men.

It can be assumed that Ivan Sukhov’s women see “security, stability, reliability” in a polygamous man, because he guarantees that he will never give up, will not force her to work and is sincere in his views, like a fireman. And he is very “masculine” – bearded and has sex regularly. I guess everyone has different ideas about the concept of “masculinity”.

“Women who accept such relationships have certain character traits,” says Natalya Panfilova, “perhaps they have a masochistic accent or are in a difficult personal situation when they seek care during childbirth. I assume that for these women the value is not in the man, but in the harem in which they plan to support each other. There is It may seem easier for them to be and raise children, so there is a kind of “child-raising community”.

With the suggestion of women, collective extended family ideas are returning. This story is not about religion, it is about the values ​​​​that these people are united by, but these values ​​\u200b\u200bare different from those accepted in society. This is a nod to cave times.

The author expresses his personal opinion, which may not coincide with the position of the editors.