INSIDE past text We’ve discussed Sunday dads, who from a woman’s perspective have a much easier job than “daytime” moms. But if you think about it, there’s one more person in this complex equation who has the hardest job.
And this is the new (second, third, fifth) wife of a man whose children remain with his previous wife, because basically taking care of the “weekend kid” falls on her shoulders.
I don’t want to say that men today do not take part in raising children – not at all, trends in this regard are changing, we meet with fathers in clinics and playgrounds. Even especially responsible people sneak into parent meetings! But in general, traditionally “female” activities remain so. This is just caring for a child, especially a small one, cooking (and children can be very capricious when it comes to food, so in addition to the process itself, this is also a headache), cleaning (and again, it is children who create the main mess). But the most unpleasant part is the moral side: all these problems are not caused by your own child, whom you carry under your heart, forgive the pain of this phrase. And a stranger. A reminder that your man once belonged to another woman, and now the consequences of this connection have pushed him away from you again!
Not every woman can love someone else’s child, and that’s normal. But almost everyone blames themselves for it. It’s shameful and unpleasant to realize that you don’t have the breadth of soul for this love, and you’re ashamed of it.
But even if we leave aside the moral torment, what will be the result? A woman marries a man who has children from a previous marriage. Sunday for the father. And for a father who is ready to take his son or daughter in his arms regularly, to spend holidays with his offspring, to take his children to the sea and the mountains, to celebrate the New Year with them. What does this mean for the new wife? All her weekends, her holidays, her holidays will be spent with SOMEONE ELSE’S child.
Some will say: She knew what she was getting into. No, I didn’t. First, we don’t have enough responsible, divorced fathers yet. As I said at the beginning of this text, although the trend is changing, this is the exception rather than the rule. Therefore, women are not used to the fact that a child who exists in the abstract somewhere will become their concrete reality.
Secondly, it is hard to imagine the accumulated discomfort that comes from not having time for yourself with your husband.
At the first stage, it seems that there is nothing special here – just think, there will be another child, what’s the problem with that. But if every week, every year your Saturdays are decorated with someone else’s child, screaming, dissatisfied, demanding pizza and hamburgers, it starts to annoy you. And think that the child also does not like his stepmother. She did nothing good to him, she is a harmful aunt, because mom and dad are not together. And it doesn’t matter whether this is really true or not. And the plus is the feeling of guilt.
For some reason, they don’t talk about it much. Have you ever read male profiles on dating sites? This is now a very popular genre; there are entire communities that collect the most shameful examples. So, the item regularly appears there: “RSP – by.” For those who don’t know, RSP is a “divorced woman with a trailer,” that is, a woman who has children from a previous relationship. Men are not ready to enter into relationships with such girls; they find it very difficult and tiring to deal with other people’s children. Probably, because they also understand: most likely, the child will remain with his mother, that is, he will become a permanent member of the family. Not everyone wants this.
But what about women’s profiles? At least not on a large scale. There are also extremes: girls definitely want serious relationships, rich and generous partners. But as a rule, no one writes about children. Maybe they don’t think that this can become a significant problem.
Is there a way to solve this? Of course – do not divorce! But this is a utopia, and we do not live in a rainbow world. Then perhaps I see a radical way of reconciliation with other people’s children – the birth of one’s own. When there is a baby in the house, a bigger baby is not so annoying. Anyway, Saturdays and holidays will no longer be romantic times until the offspring grow up!
In this way we will improve the demographic situation and save the soul. But not exactly.
The author expresses his personal opinion, which may not coincide with the editors’ position.
What are you thinking?
Source: Gazeta
Dolores Johnson is a voice of reason at “Social Bites”. As an opinion writer, she provides her readers with insightful commentary on the most pressing issues of the day. With her well-informed perspectives and clear writing style, Dolores helps readers navigate the complex world of news and politics, providing a balanced and thoughtful view on the most important topics of the moment.