Marina Yardaeva Why do people go to psychologists for years but remain unhappy? 22.02.2024, 11:44

The demand for psychologists is increasing in Russia. According to the Avito service, in January and February this year, users began calling mental health professionals 35% more often than in the same period last year. Moreover, child and family psychologists are ahead in terms of the number of requests; their services became more popular by 63% and 52% respectively. And that’s gratifying. It’s great that people are starting to take a more responsible approach to their own mental health and that of their loved ones. But of course there is some skepticism in the news. Today, psychological help is understood in many different ways, and many charlatans do not call themselves psychologists. Many people get stuck in therapy for years without getting any less miserable. And all because the masses, in principle, do not have basic knowledge of the science that studies the soul.

I am for psychology. With both arms, legs and tail. But for normal; academic, serious, complex. And I am for competent experts. For people who have studied for several years, have been around the relevant scientific community, have learned experience from famous scientists, have worked at least to some degree in official structures and have publications in reputable journals. But my eye twitches when some esoteric nonsense or kitchen-conversation-level insight is referred to as psychology.

And my ears dry up when some coaches who have completed two-week online courses call psychologists, or even, God forgive me, yesterday’s patients who believe in their own healing and the ability to heal others.

It’s true that something terrible happened. While trying to cope with anxiety, melancholy attacks, repetition of the same negative scenarios, failures in their personal lives or careers, and family problems, many people become more confused and get stuck in problems as if they were in a swamp. And all because they scramble around like blind kittens looking for help: they fall for nice words and loud promises, they trust the reviews of strangers on the Internet, and they consider the state of enthusiasm after a session as a measure of themselves. success in working with a psychologist and not real changes in life. And even if someone miraculously sees a normal doctor, this is usually not the case for the future. Such doctors are boring and at the same time demanding, they expect the patient to also study, begin to fulfill various instructions – and this is both difficult and lazy.

So psychology can be completely demonized. But you can’t. On the contrary, it is necessary to somehow create an understanding among the masses about how psychological help should work, how to seek it correctly, what is the patient’s responsibility. It is especially important that families are not deprived of normal psychological help. Many children and parents today really need such help. I say this as a teacher who has observed dozens of dramatic stories.

How come? Yes, in general in different ways. But here, for example, there is a classic: there was a child like a child, a beautiful girl, she studied well, listened to her mother and father, had friends to match – smart and interesting at the same time. And then – bam, everything went to hell. And now the seventh grader is skipping classes, taking grades two through three, arguing with all his old friends, hanging out with some punks, smoking, drinking. My mother runs to school, to the class teacher: “What should I do? What should I do?

It is clear that this is a transitional age. But everyone has it at 13 – it’s a transitional year and not everyone deals with it that way. Nor can it apparently be a serious medical violation; they would still show up sooner. Perhaps an unknown virus hit the schoolgirl, but the mother denies this possibility: the child was not bitten by any terrible insects, did not hit her head and did not take experimental drugs.

Here, of course, you give this banal advice: You should probably see a psychologist. And the mother, blinking, says that some kind of diagnosis was made at the beginning of the school year, the school specialist did some tests and nothing was revealed, everything is fine with the child. Yes ok. But parents don’t do this. And then you explain that it wouldn’t hurt for them to consult a doctor first to think at least a little about what they might have missed and been inconsistent with as adults.

And then it starts. What is this, dragging my father along? Oh no, it won’t go away. He left his family completely, but they divorced six months ago, he doesn’t visit his children, he doesn’t give them money. And I don’t have time to go to the doctors, my youngest is constantly sick. Then you call the careless father and suggest that he take care of his daughter. He promises under oath, but does not deny himself the pleasure of slandering his ex-wife, convincing her that he mistreats his daughter in vain, and the girl has already run away from home to him several times.

A month passed, two, three – no one went anywhere, and there are already seven deuces in the girl’s quarter. The school holds a council on prevention, and both parents argue, until their voices are hoarse for some reason, which of them should buy a uniform for physical education, so that at least there will be no shameful “failure” in this matter. The director offers consultations with a school psychologist, but adults refuse, do not sign anything in principle and say that they themselves found someone: and there is a guru, an unconventional approach, the promise of miraculous transformations. Another six months pass. The situation is still just as sad; The problem of registering the girl arises.

Stories like a horse carriage and a small car. Some suffered from their parents’ divorce, some moved to another city did not work out – bullying appeared at the new school, some were subjected to betrayal and even violence, some were seriously unlucky in their first love. And here we need at least an approximate algorithm of actions to correct the situation and criteria for assessing what positive dynamics should look like. There are some very simple rules you need to learn.

If you don’t know who to turn to, at least start with a specialist from your local clinic. Be consistent, follow the doctor’s recommendations, even if they are boring (eating less when losing weight is no fun either, but nothing more effective has yet been invented). The criterion of success is not the charisma of the doctor, but objective signs (the teenager stopped wandering the streets until the evening, correcting three out of five “failures”).

Of course, it is possible to require all parents to take a child and family psychology course and pass the exam. But this is already a utopia, of course.

If such a practice emerged, half of the mothers and fathers would buy diplomas to complete the course, a third would somehow pass with grades C and immediately forget about everything, and the few who approach the subject responsibly and without any initiative, keep their finger on the pulse and master the basics of psychological science .

But what will definitely not be superfluous is the education of the children themselves. Psychology should be included in the school curriculum as a separate subject. Instead of incomprehensible future family science, instead of strange ODNKNR (Foundations of the spiritual and moral culture of the peoples of Russia)Music in 8th grade was extended by two years instead. Moreover, schoolchildren have a sincere interest in psychology. After all, this is one of the few sciences that can give them practical benefits not in the abstract future, but today, to better understand themselves, build relationships with peers, parents and teachers. And when, if not in childhood and adolescence, should a person be taught critical thinking and instill in him immunity to various types of quackery and perversion?

The author expresses his personal opinion, which may not coincide with the position of the editors.

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Source: Gazeta

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