Why don’t you talk about love? After all, today is Valentine’s Day. And it wasn’t even banned. We were going to do this, but then we realized we can’t ban something that doesn’t exist, and the official Valentine’s Day, which falls on February 14th, isn’t on our calendar. In this situation. There are many incomprehensible things about this holiday. But this is apparently because the phenomenon to which the holiday is dedicated is even less clear today. Yes, yes, everything is so confusing in love these days, it seems as if it is constantly showing new forms, demanding new words. They were even invented, but they are all wrong. Or maybe the form does not appear because there is a problem with the content?
For example, Patriarch Kirill spoke. “The celebration of the so-called Valentine’s Day, imported from the West, despite all efforts to ennoble it, still continues to be the propaganda of relationships that have nothing to do with true love…” he said. So what kind of love does Valentine’s Day represent? What about plastic? Or scary and unusual to say? And why? Because the West can’t import anything else?
They tried to move away from the negative connotations by attempting to replace the “alien holiday” with a new one. But it looks like it got even funnier. So, public figure Mikhail Vetrov proposed to celebrate the Day of Friendship and Friendship on February 14. People immediately began to joke: what kind of friendship are we talking about, what kind of comrades are we talking about. I confess, I also came out very spoiled because the first association that flashed in my head was friends with benefits. And today it is customary to call an easy romantic relationship that does not carry any responsibilities “friendship with benefits”. It is unlikely that the ideologists of Friendship and Friendship Day, trying to give young people the “correct moral rules”, expected such an effect.
But to hell with other people’s expectations. Much more interesting is the language problem. After all, we literally cannot reach words. If you ask the average person what love is, you won’t hear anything intelligible. Go on dating apps, see what kind of love people are looking for – just clichés. Solid, solid people will definitely write: “Serious relationships only.” Is this about love? Or is this a manifestation of the thirst for guarantees and unwillingness to waste time? Or maybe it’s an injury issue? The man was burned once, twice, three times, and now she, a smitten sparrow, immediately “agreed on the shore” that there would be no empty intrigues or jokes with him. What melancholy!
But this is no longer fun for those who are looking for a so-called “open relationship” rather than a boring one. So is it really possible that there are some people who are not free? What does the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation say about this? They will say that I am being picky, but in reality, of course, everyone understands everything. They also explain that an open relationship is an “obligation-free” relationship. But here I feel completely sick as a philologist. Gentlemen, you will not buy bread without necessity. And it’s not just about price (or someone’s imagined commercialism). You can certainly come into the store during business hours, but you will also need to be minimally polite to the cashier. In any interaction, people accept a set of conditions. Voluntarily, of course. And by the way, “not wanting anything and expecting nothing” is also a condition. This seems impossible. But at its core, there seem to be the same traumas: resentment, disappointment, fatigue, and fear.
And if the problem is not grievances and fears, then it’s generally a matter of emotional deafness. Society is becoming autistic; Many people seem to be stuck in impenetrable bubbles. Two such balloons will meet, their needs will be met and they will take their business further. It’s nothing personal, just biology. But sex isn’t just about love, it’s a medical thing. But fortunately this cannot be fully realized. Something stirs in the souls of even the most staunch skeptics, no, no. Thus it turns out: there is formulation, but there is no phenomenon.
But still love, what is it? Some of the romantics, the last of the Mohicans, will say: This is a beautiful thing; just like in movies and novels. But, of course, they will immediately become the subject of ridicule – in films and books, either tragedy and insurmountable obstacles separate lovers, or instead of love there is always something sick: addiction, codependency, abuse, devaluation, violation of boundaries. And even there is something in it, the words are stupid again. So it is actually true that looking for examples of greatness and light in art is a stupid idea. Art is impossible without conflict; art needs drama. Why would those who love such attractions do this? When you are in love, you still want peace, security, quiet joy. But the question is: Can it be said that if there is peace and trust, there is love? Yes I wish!
Why is everything like this? Moralists say that we are witnessing a social crisis, that society is affected by selfishness, thirst for consumption, indifference, and as a result, the institutions of family and marriage are destroyed. Moralists always have explanations prepared for every situation. Meanwhile, society is at a loss. And even selfish people feel weird and uncomfortable in some way. Everyone feels that something good and useful is lost and tries to find what was lost and return it to its place. No, the point is not in crises, not in the collapse of some institutions, but in the fact that everything is in “active pursuit”.
And this has already happened. Take the turn of the 19th and 20th centuries, the Silver Age – how many of these tasks there were! New ideas also led to new formulations. Either they formed “spiritual-mental-physical unions”, then they thought of “finding heavenly sex” and “androgynous love”, then they called for the overcoming of flesh and sang the ideals of Marcionism (rejection of marriage and procreation), then immorality is the opposite: of sex They affirmed an inherent value and fell into neo-pagan marriage mysteries. The best human forces aimed to invent something new about love. And because the old had ceased to be useful, had lost its true meaning, the old morality was mired in hypocrisy and duplicity. It looked like that. And then nothing happened, he left.
It is the same today. They declared war on the old world and began to search for new ideas and forms. Of course the old world resists. And he even has something. And then everyone will get tired and remember that good, kind, bright things are endless. So the words will come and the meaning will return.
The author expresses his personal opinion, which may not coincide with the position of the editors.