How can you know for sure that you are no longer the same person? It’s simple, all communication tools are there. For example, a pharmacy chain in Moscow celebrated my birthday. No one else offered any special congratulations. As we approached lunch, another pharmacy chain congratulated us. That’s what longevity is like. My friend joked about this: “At least they didn’t send a message from the trauma department like ‘We’re waiting for you again’.”
What does a person acquire in less than forty years? That seems like all, but even that isn’t much. The basic values suit me – several levels of Maslow’s pyramid are clearly filled with everything necessary. But what is a little scary is the feeling that the path to the “fair” is completed and then we have to leave.
They say that whoever is not unhappy at forty cannot be happy at fifty.
Psychologists explain this age-related phenomenon as follows. There is a thirty year old man here. This is the period of maturity. Yes, we can say that thirty is the new twenty, but we will try to stay in a conservative coordinate system. That is thirty years. It feels like one has accomplished something, accomplished something, can do something, and has something. Maybe even real estate in Moscow. Maybe kids – they’re still little and very cute. His wife is at the peak of life and power. I bought a new car. And it seems, here it is, the expectations, here they are, the horizons, everything will increase exponentially. Career development, regular salary indexation and other happiness are ahead of us.
But ten years pass and everything seems to be the same as before. The children have grown up a bit and entered adolescence. It was not possible to buy a new car due to increased sanctions. Vision, memory, and most importantly, teeth deteriorated. A separate curse of old age. At some point it will surely become clear that something crooked needs to be straightened, something worn out needs to be repaired, something old needs to be replaced with a new one. Expenses follow expenses and promotions don’t happen that often and salary increases are somehow quietly eaten up by inflation. And the person becomes very sad. This is called midlife crisis. A person constantly thinks about what he could not achieve and now he probably cannot achieve. Time is lost, and so is energy.
And then, as psychologists explain, another decade passes. Of course, not everyone is lucky, but we’ll assume they pass. And it looks like things must only get worse. But one person looks around – the children have grown up, and it seems that they are not even completely stupid. There is still work, and your bosses value you, and perhaps you are already a boss, or at least a respected specialist. Life experience allows you not to waste time on trifles. Car? As for the car, I wanted it and bought it. Even if it’s not the best, that’s not the point. My wife and I have already grown together, unless they divorced, and if they did, then it’s time for new romantic adventures. Thus, the midlife crisis turns into the age of happiness.
Of course, I simplify and idealize. Everything could be completely different. How does a middle-aged Muscovite feel? He feels strangely lonely. Loneliness actually only happens in a big city, only among people. It is not possible to go out to the field and be alone there; It will not be loneliness, it will be loneliness.
But in a big city, the average Muscovite sees thousands of extremely beautiful women. What could connect him with them? Nothing. By the age of forty, even the basics of cross-gender communication skills are completely erased. These women sit in expensive restaurants, of course you can afford to go there, but why? Is there again? These pleasures no longer bring pleasure.
The family does not become too distant, on the contrary, it becomes atomized, it becomes impossible to keep up with the interests of the children. If five years ago it was still possible to chat about dinosaurs, now it is necessary to chat about anime, and this is more difficult than trigonometry.
Your friends write or even call to congratulate you, but have you ever tried to meet your friends as an adult? It would be nice if someone brought everyone together for reporting once a year. But as a rule, this is a series of unfulfilled plans, because someone is late for work, someone needs to go to the dacha, someone’s beloved mother-in-law is sick, someone else needs to go to a parent-teacher meeting, someone does not drink, and someone does not want anything. Adult life is like that too.
But I look at the congratulations from pharmacy chains and somehow feel joyful and calm. Apparently I’m an adult. With all its joys, pains, all its illnesses, shortcomings, experiences and everything that has been done. And I must admit that something has been done. And we can only promise to do more. Then be honest with yourself when reporting.
The author expresses his personal opinion, which may not coincide with the position of the editors.