I hope my readers had an easy and happy childhood, so it will not be a test for them to participate in a small experiment. Imagine you have a mother and father. And maybe even a grandmother. And grandpa. And sister. And aunts are different. That they love you, pinch your cheek, buy sweets, hug and kiss you. You called them mom, dad, grandma, grandpa. They were good, responsible, hardworking.
Or not that much. Maybe my father would drink on the weekends, and sometimes even hit my mother. Then my mother started applying. When my father went to jail. And then my mother accidentally got drunk on the street. Or they took you from him when you were eight and your mother left you alone at night in a house with a stove twice a year. They took him and everything. Or my mother is in jail too – and this is happening.
Or maybe my mom and dad didn’t drink. It was fine. It’s like a fairy tale. But they were hit by a bus. Or they had a plane crash. Or get sick and die. Not important. The main thing was that you had a family, you remember. With this memory, you find yourself in an orphanage. You are an already formed person who remembers who he is. And then they take you away from the association of the same unfortunate people, they settle in a strange house with strange orders, where strange people wait for you, strange people you should call parents, showing you other people’s children and asking you. Think of them as your brothers now.
For many years I have been fascinated by our society’s astonishing persistence in dragging the country on an adventure that the Western world has long since abandoned. I’m talking about the thesis that any child, even a teenager who has lost his parents, is better in a family than in an orphanage. In someone else’s family, of course. This is a big mistake for Russia that could soon turn into social upheavals.
Remember, the United States or some Swiss examples were always shown by saying that they did not have orphanages. At first, it was thought that these were not orphans, and that they lived in responsible, child-loving nations that never put their children in a difficult situation. Then it turned out that children’s homes still exist. But they work on the waiting point principle. And there are many orphans. They end up in these homes, where they were torn apart by foster families. In the states they are called Foster Families. Temporary families for money.
At one time, this seemed like ideal. And the thesis that any family is better than an orphanage was not questioned. Especially against the backdrop of the hopeless atrocities experienced in orphanages in our country in the 80s and 90s. Back then, orphanages were synonymous with hell. For me, the daughter of a single mother, my whole childhood passed in the shadow of this fear – to end up in an orphanage. And then it seemed understandable at any cost to evacuate the children from this grave. Even if they fall into a religious fanatic family and are in a labor position.
Years passed. When I realized that there was an orphan image circulating among foster families in American cinema, I started to suspect something. Such a biography – the parents died, the child was replaced by five or six guardians – was often made for petty bandits, sophisticated maniacs in his films. All this did not fit our idea that the main thing for an orphan is a family.
It became interesting to me and I began to find out what is in this incentive in the USA. It turns out that the country has long regretted the closure of the orphanage system. Because not all children are ready to live in foster families, they have to break themselves for this. But worse still, the family is more closed to control than an orphanage or orphanage, making abuses harder to track down. And there are many in the system that pay for and receive benefits for guardianship.
When our country came up with the idea to distribute all orphans to families, the United States of America brought up the issue of abandoning the foster family system. And they encountered difficulties: it turned out that the care of orphanages with a staff of teachers, nannies, cooks, doctors, speech pathologists is more expensive than stuffing orphans into families. It also turned out to be difficult to control families. And those children do not burn with the desire to live in humans. Perceiving their bed, spoon and mug in the shelter allocated to them by the state (that is, the state) as their own home, while foster families see all these as strangers.
In general, it has been revealed that there is an element of violence against a person in the transfer of a child to a family with its new rules, foundations and traditions. Because it is one thing for a child to live in an orphanage where, according to general rules, no one takes care of his small personal space and feelings, and it is another thing to enter a family where his “mother” will come every night. , take her hand, be honest, kiss her, hug, climb into the soul. Especially if the real mother is alive and living somewhere in prison or using heroin.
Who said a person needs this? What is not violence?
This is the first argument. He is often criticized by those who like to idealize reality. “Everyone needs affection.” “Children need warmth.” “They get more attention in the family.”
But anyone who believes that an orphan needs this warmth should go out, hang a banner that says “I will pay for the hug and attention” and if there are many who want to hug, how warm these hugs are.
As for the thesis about attention in the family, it is a deliberate lie. If there are one or two children and the mother is not working, then there will be interest. If it is five, six, ten or even 15, then the transfer of a child to such families is a deliberate deterioration in living conditions. Including psycho-emotional. On average, ten children in an orphanage have between five and eight employees who are in regular contact with them. Among them are permanent teachers, namely educators, they are with the children all day and do not go to work. Those who enter this system are definitely not animals, they also hug and kiss. The salaries in the orphanages are not bad, the working conditions are good, there is no staff turnover. Thus, in the orphanage, the child not only receives more attention, but is basically protected from adult supervision (if you need to cook and clean, follow at least eight children in the house alone). In the orphanage, a child can always go to the doctor, they take him to apartments, departments. In large foster families, this is almost never the case. Think about what it would be like to take a child living in a village to a doctor in a family of ten children? They do not treat their teeth for years, do not go to orthopedics. mugs? Sport? Come on – who should drive them in such families?
The state understood this. First, foster families with more than eight children were banned. And then they began to say that a family in custody or adoptive children should not have more than three children. What a roar arose among the tutelage community. Do you know why? For some it comes. In Russia, a large, interconnected community of people has developed, “working” as guardians, taking children from orphanages, living on benefits and payments, and also raising their own children on them. There are many of these people. This is another of our strengths hiding behind the face of holiness.
A large family – in Russia these words sound like a synonym for “saint”. And it doesn’t matter if kids are sometimes hired there to get paid or as nannies for younger blood relatives. Or to work on a farm. The public just wants to feel good on the cheap, as in the case of giving alms to scammers, so they love the next extreme attraction of large families. Or send them donations.
It is not so bad that children of a conscious age are transferred to an incomprehensible mother, who will change every few years. And the whole problem isn’t that the kid will be living on a bunk bed in the same room as the other five. He will have not only his own room, but also his workplace, as in the orphanages where high school students live today. There will be nowhere to read and write.
The problem is that children in such families are often not taken for a good cause. The most popular types of abuse are profit making. Children are given a lot. Today at least 50,000 is paid for a child in the central regions: this is a guardian’s pension, a child’s survivor’s pension, many have a disability, this is a pension. Also, child support. And if you get three, the father qualifies for a guardian’s pension. In addition, children in the orphanage receive a pension. A disabled child up to 10-12 years old has an average of 2 million rubles in his account. Easily accessible to parents. The greatest sin!
Someone new has joined him – blogging and fundraising for it, kids traveling, working, etc. for. In fact, a lot of money is given for children, parents climb into pensions – not a word about it. Today, it’s just a clog of such families. Sea. There were several public scandals that ended in nothing. Do you remember the Del family? 15 children were sleeping side by side. Benefit of about 700 thousand rubles per month. Children starved in windbreakers. But how beautiful she was in the photo. And how did they defend? And then it turned out that pensions disappeared from the accounts of orphans.
How about Marina Balmasheva? Five kids! I wrote a blog, everything was beautiful. Then she writes that the children are not hers and marries her husband’s 18-year-old blood son! Again, zero response.
They also take the kids to “help with the housework”. It’s a very typical story, known even in Roosevelt’s America: their own air is born, mothers once, tired, stitched up – puts several young people under their tutelage: they run the household and they pay for it too. Children with bread on the water, no time to examine them, wander, wipe the snot on their “mom and dad” dolls. “But young people have a family and will learn to take care of their loved ones.” Although it is better to learn math.
There are many such families. Nobody cares about them, because if you say all this out loud, you will have to immediately change the paid guardianship system. And, as we remember, it is more profitable to care for orphanages. Here again, the Del family is an example that the grown-ups cannot escape because they are on the farm. And Nikolai Stremsky’s family? “Orthodox Orphanage” 75 children passed through the family! The foster father collected expensive cars. My mother flew abroad for treatment. Looks like the father was convicted on eight counts. The children worked like lepers, only 11 girls testified in court about sexual violence and abuse.
This is the hardest problem ever. Sex! These families are so idolized in our country that they are ashamed to even call a spade a spade. The same Stremsky is sitting. They tried to make him a victim of the regime, but what kind of a victim, if there are 11 victims in the case?
And the scandal with Alexander “Shuriken” Ustinov? The man openly wrote about the permissibility of pedophilia, he gathered puppet men. He took two children under his guardianship, wrote directly that he lived on this money, showed the terrible poverty of life. Even the stars stood up for him. Lyudmila Petranovskaya repeatedly spoke in her defense! Personally, he wrote me long comments that such a family is better than nothing.
So isn’t it better?
The author expresses his personal opinion, which may not coincide with the editors’ position.