Outside, the spring weather is finally making itself felt. The sun came out, the thermometer rose. And the most terrible female problem arose: losing weight by spring.
It’s spring, what about losing weight? plus eight? Plus four more from January and a size two? Now I don’t write about beautiful, truthful ladies who go to the gym every day. They eat lettuce, they don’t skip exercises, they read high spiritual literature, they don’t drink, they don’t watch TV, and they don’t exist.
I write about us – the average Russian patients who close their eyes, look at the scale and whisper to themselves after the New Year holidays: okay, I will lose by April-May.
And in April, looking there and the calendar at the same time, they more strongly close their eyes and go to lose weight. This, when translated to female, means: okay, I’m going to go eat these diet meatballs, maybe it will dissolve on its own somehow. OK, eat less. Whats in there? Is the red dry? Damn it, the barn’s on fire – burn the hut too. Dock!
We’re going for a run tomorrow and it’s going to be the scariest five minutes of our lives. Realizing that cardio training isn’t working, let’s shake the press behind the couch. Personally, I do this in such a way that my Spanish dog has learned to laugh out loud in a completely human way.
After finding a negative result on the scale and a cake on a plate, we’ll start bargaining with ourselves and eventually buy that unfortunate fitness subscription. We even get down twice because of the sauna and pool. During this time, of course, we will be very tired and suffer, so that when we go to the kebabs for the first time, we make up for all the pain with the kebabs themselves. In industrial quantities!
Some, especially the desperate, even buy exercise bikes in such cases when there are a few days to May. I did exactly the same thing once, years ago. Now I was sure that I would study every night. I’ll fall into my house like a goblin and fly like a nymph, so to speak.
Before things happen, I’ll say this: tights hung on the exercise bike for about ten years, and the dust lay. After this period, I gave the exercise bike to good people for physical education. Now their tights are hanging and their dust lies!
This is usually some kind of curse, as with the subscription. There is no one among my friends who does not have a fitness subscription. Also there is no one who goes there at least three times! I don’t even use the word “regular”.
A joy – on the May holidays, when the Russian people relax, as if unloading coal-laden wagons around the clock all year, the problem of losing weight disappears by itself. After all, it is impossible to imagine a lady at the festive table saying: ah, what are you, I’m on a diet! For this, they can beat you in decent houses.
Therefore, we women’s comrades do not have time to suffer for a long time. Just a few weeks. And then, finally, it will become clear that our plans collapsed in a crash, that we couldn’t lose weight until spring, and that we could finally relax and eat a lot. Catch the spring stress so to speak!
The author expresses his personal opinion, which may not coincide with the editors’ position.