Obsession is not just an unpleasant character trait, it is a serious mental disorder that can have different causes and manifestations. This is an occupational psychologist, Dr. Stanislav Sambursky, a clinical psychologist at Anikina’s Clinic and author of the Ecological Psychologist Zen channel, told socialbites.ca.
“Intrusive people suffer from low self-esteem, fear of being alone, self-doubt, inferiority complexes, or addiction. They do not know how to set boundaries and observe in relationships, do not respect the opinions and spaces of others, do not control their emotions and impulses. Alongside therapy and even treatment, they need constant affirmation of their importance and love from other people,” explained the expert.
According to him, obsession can be of varying severity and can be expressed in different forms of behavior. The most common types of obsessions are obsessive actions, feelings, attitudes, and thoughts.
“If you want to get rid of an annoying person, which is often difficult to admit even to yourself, you first need to set your boundaries,” Stanislav Sambursky advised.
Therefore, when communicating with another person, it is worth considering what is acceptable for you and what is unacceptable. What are you ready to do for him and what do you not want? What do you want to get from him and what do you not want? What can you forgive him and what can’t you forgive him? Write your limits on a piece of paper or say it out loud. The next step is to share your border with an obsessive acquaintance.
“Tell the person directly and clearly what you want to see or hear from them. You don’t need to be rude or aggressive, but you don’t need to be too soft or apologetic either. Use the phrases “I want”, “I don’t want”, “I ask”, “I demand”. For example: “I want to be friends with you but I don’t want to receive 10 messages a day from you. I ask you to respect my time and space.” Or: “I appreciate your views on my work, but I do not want to hear criticism even in the slightest. I demand that you talk to me constructively and truthfully, ”said the psychologist.
He also recommended monitoring the observance of his limit. If someone continues to violate your boundary after you have informed them, you must act consistently and decisively.
“Don’t be fooled by his persuasions, tricks or threats. Don’t let him manipulate your feelings and don’t give him a reason to be offended or upset. Just repeat every time it breaks your limit and act accordingly. For example, if someone is calling you constantly, do not pick up or hang up the phone. If he bothers you at work, answer him briefly and seriously, or let him go. If he comes to your house uninvited, do not open the door for him and do not ask him to leave. Yes, it may seem difficult and rude to you, but that’s the only way you can defend yourself, ”said expert Sambursky.
If all the above methods do not help and the person continues to take it, you can decide to take a more radical step – to stop any communication with him, the specialist said. This can be difficult, especially if it’s a relative, friend or colleague, but sometimes it’s the only way out.
“Tell the person that you no longer want to communicate with them and explain why. So stop answering their calls, texts, letters or visits. Avoid places where you can meet him, ”advised the psychologist.
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