The appearance of a younger child can greatly traumatize the psyche of the older. Thus, jealousy, whims, rivalries and even a regression in the development of the elders arise, and a close spiritual bond is not established between the children in the family. However, this can be avoided if the older child is properly prepared for the arrival of a brother or sister. Aigul Grand, a certified psychologist, told socialbites.ca about this.
According to the expert, the primary task of parents in this matter is to prepare the child for the fact that he will become a new friend and playmate, the support and support of his brother or sister in life.
“In no case should you constantly remind the elder that he is an adult and a helper, the more profound his discomfort and frustration will be. It is not in vain that older children with advent often experience regressions in development, impaired self-service skills and worsening behavior. The child may even start sucking the pacifier again,” the psychologist warned.
He also recommended praising the older child for any help he did to the younger one, so that he could feel his involvement and need in the family.
“You say nothing would have happened without his help; Make sure you try to spend time with him in the same way as the younger one. Also help the child get involved in a new lifestyle – for example, go for a walk with the whole family on the weekends,” advises Aigul Grand.
Anastasia Korneeva, psychologist of the Gran.RF online platform, added that it is important not to overdo it by involving the older child in the process of caring too much for the younger.
“The big boy doesn’t stop being a kid. And when there is a brother or sister, it does not automatically become a substitute parent, because the birth of a child is the decision of the parents, the adults must take care of the children. Otherwise, such siblings as second parents may not want to have their own children in the future, ”explained specialist Korneeva.
It is equally important to explain to the older child that there will still be changes in life and he must be ready for them.
“If the parents assure the child that everything will be as before, they will mislead him. Tell us how it would actually happen and be sure to state why. Remember that mom and dad will have less time, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love the big one anymore. Otherwise, the child will feel cheated and abandoned,” said the psychologist.
He also advised not to compare children with each other in any case – this creates competition. You also shouldn’t even sound out phrases like “but you’re this age…” or “wow, just like you”.
“Each of the children is individual and this is what is important to emphasize. Otherwise, they will still measure themselves with someone else’s ruler, ”the psychologist Anastasia Korneeva concluded.
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