“Imagine the person you love most in this world. The person who has a past, present and future, who should be by your side every day. Imagine for a moment the last time you saw him. Maybe this. See you in the morning, maybe later, or say goodbye with a kiss. “Maybe I’ll see you at noon or I’ll be home for dinner. Imagine that person suddenly disappeared and they had that last moment. They parted to say goodbye or they kissed. Imagine that there is nothing else from that moment on. It’s as if the ground has swallowed him up.” A new life begins there. Here is a missing person.”
Joaquin Amills Bonet lost his son 14 years ago. On September 11, 2008, Joaquín Junior sailed with a friend and disappeared without a trace. One unsolved case among the nearly six thousand missing persons in Spain (about 28,000 missing persons are reported each year). This father’s statement turned the auditorium of the Ramos Carrión Theater upside down yesterday, mostly occupied by agents of the Civil Guard.
After terrifying and exhausting stages of denial, disbelief, pain, impotence, anger… Joaquín Amills decided to re-arm, surrender, and strip himself emotionally to help people experiencing a similar drama. Yesterday II. A conference on involuntary disappearances of people in rural areas was held by the Civil Guards Command. Zamora.
If we do not find the person, you will enter a duel, which is a frozen duel, it cannot be turned off.
Ever since she lost track of her son, her life’s commitment is to make people understand what a missing person is. Explain to us.
When they disappear, it means that the family will learn to survive from scratch. If we can’t find the person, you will enter a duel which is a frozen duel, it doesn’t matter if a month, a year or twenty years have passed, that duel cannot be closed due to questions of how to close it. , when and where they remain unanswered. This is the situation that this family will experience, which is often disrupted because of not being able to get psychological support or not being able to face the reality that a missing person means.
What does a loved one need?
Apart from finding, you obviously need empathy, listening, accompanying, following, helping. All of these are valid, but first of all you need the truth. Truth is an important element in our lives, and yet, when there is a missing person, we lack that truth. Because neither how, when, where nor a thousand questions arise. And it doesn’t matter if it’s a week, two months, five years or fourteen.
The first stage of grief is denial, you don’t believe what happened, you don’t understand anything. Then comes the anger stage, anger.
How do you deal with such a dramatic situation?
The family has to learn to survive. A psychological duel will take place, which is different in this case. The first stage of grief is denial, you don’t believe what happened, you don’t understand anything. Then comes the anger stage, anger. You are angry with everyone; the inability to get an answer. It’s a tremendous stage without allies. You’re angry with the callers, the volunteers, the inspectors. You go on the defensive. But we cannot be in that permanent confrontation struggle with everyone, even with our family, because the reproaches are constant. The soul is intelligent and you enter a new phase; I mean, I’m angry with everyone except that police, that journalist, that neighbor who is listening to me, and you are trying to provide some stability.
It speaks of the conflict created in the family, of additional pain.
Family is a constant reproach that you are not paying attention, that work does not allow me, to face your absence. And in the end, in that war, you start to take your own blame, believing that this is the best option. Then you enter the stage of pain and fear. And after 14 years, it’s still a pain that I can’t describe because it broke you. You pray that night does not come, because that means everyone should retire and stop searching until morning. On the other hand, when you suffer, the night calms down, you want no dawn, because at night no one will let you down, you don’t wait for a call, you feel relief and you don’t want it. dawn would break. And at the same time, you are afraid that another day will go unanswered.
Conferences held by the Civil Guard in Zamora break this isolation and make the problem visible.
I am happy to participate. The Ministry of Interior also provides consultancy, as it is about sensitizing not only the public but also our State Security Service. Find out what tools we have and how this collaboration works with both the Civil Guard and the National Police.
If we have good professionals, but lack empathy or sensitivity to the pain a lost person means, then a piece is missing.
How has media awareness and mobilization progressed?
Too much. 14 years ago there was nothing, not even a unified database. It belonged to the Civil Guards themselves, it belonged to the National Police themselves. There was no protocol or figure for the missing persons, each Ministry of Interior gave a different figure. In fact, we blamed the Spanish Government for not having figures on the disappearances in the Human Rights Commission. It’s not too far away, but that’s already in the past. But the moment we are in should encourage us because, thanks to the State Security Service and its professionals, associations, society and media, we have all managed to advance those who have been unable for decades to advance in the last eight years. . Moreover, Spain is an example. We are in two programs across the European Union and are a model for how we approach the problem of missing persons through a national strategic plan, unique databases, training, awareness and commitment. This is real. We’ve made progress, but we don’t have to agree. We have many goals ahead of us.
Family is a constant reproach that you do not pay attention to, that work does not allow me, that comes face to face with your absence.
With the steps taken, do any family faced with the disappearance of a loved one have the means to act?
There is an action protocol that anyone can download from the Internet. We still have a lot of work to do, of course, but there is also a national strategic plan. We submitted 17 proposals and they were included. We have the education and awareness that must go hand in hand. If we have good professionals, but lack empathy or sensitivity to the pain a lost person means, then a piece is missing. We still have a lot of work to do and our challenge is to know how to row together because we all come together.
The first moments after a disappearance are everyone’s focus, but then forgetting comes.
As time passes, everyone returns to normal. For the Security Forces, a missing person isn’t fired until they’re 110, but when the investigation and all possible resources are exhausted, the family falls apart and falls into a vacuum where they don’t understand anything. Because sometimes even the neighborhood itself doesn’t ask anymore. Years pass and people forget, but it goes on like yesterday for the near.
He says they have come a long way, what lies ahead.
Too much. We want to continue to advance in education, awareness and resources.