– Let’s start our conversation with reality TV “The Doctor of Happiness”. Two days is enough for a radical image change, but is this time enough to change a person from within? Especially when it comes to overcoming the complexes they have lived with for years. What are your goals for the project?
“For two days we help a woman look at herself with different eyes and listen to advice that can change her life for the better. And further changes are their responsibility, we cannot decide for them! If the goal is to save the family and be happy, our participants will definitely benefit from it. You can skip any project if they don’t want it, but nothing helps. We are not playing the role of “saviors”: coaches who show people what they can be. Even in this short time, we give them specific advice.
– You call long-term therapy “avoidance of responsibility.” How many sessions do you think are sufficient to resolve standard customer requests?
Everything is very individual. If a person is not in crisis, then there may be a session, and if a person needs psychotherapy, then you can go to a psychologist for a year or more.
Let me explain why I am not a supporter of long-term work with a client. Let’s say a woman comes along and accuses her mother of not being happy. At the same time, she selectively blames and shifts responsibility for her failures to her mother. It is often beneficial for those who go to therapy not to forgive, not to take responsibility, not to grow up, and to find the reason for their unhappiness in another person. But if you go to a specialist for years and nothing changes for you, then you need to change a specialist.
Does everyone need a psychologist?
You go to other doctors. It is normal for a modern person to go to therapy, talk to a professional. Often a person cannot talk to his loved ones and immediately encounters reproaches, screams, and you not only talk to a psychologist, but also find some ways to improve self-development. The psychologist helps identify and prioritize.
Especially today it is fashionable to say “I have my own psychologist”. It sounds like they used to say, “I have my own butcher or tailor.”
— Before becoming a psychologist, you studied theology and worked as a political strategist. Why did you decide to change your profile? Past knowledge and experience – does it help or hinder you today?
– Of course they help because I work with different people. For example, a believing Orthodox woman comes to me – so why not apply my knowledge when communicating with her?
As for political technology, it’s not mine. I even once developed a plan for candidates to interact with voters, but it turns out that this isn’t my story. I can be responsible for my actions and words, but I cannot and do not want to be responsible for others. I like to make people happy and get feedback: if someone on the street finds out they will say hello, someone will just smile but no one wanted to hit them on the head yet (Laughs).
– In one of your interviews, you said, “If you are a psychologist, you treat the human soul, but if you do not believe in its existence, how will you treat the soul?” It would seem that the subject of psychology is the soul, not the soul, and can’t a psychologist be an atheist? In that case, isn’t confession more effective than a psychotherapy session?
– This is my subjective opinion. I do not believe that every person should be a believer, but you can replace the concept of “soul” with the limbic system and upload everything to the brain. Everyone chooses a specialist for himself.
As for me, I wouldn’t call myself a believer – I’m more of a psychologist striving for faith.
– At the beginning of your career you charged clients 500 rubles per session, and today one of your consultations will cost 100 thousand rubles. How much do you think a psychologist’s services should cost and what does this amount consist of?
– I set such a price that no one would come to me. I have a heavy workload: shooting, college, work. But surprisingly, when I set the price at 100k, a lot of new people came to me – just a different level of wealth. I have a few clients that I accompany, but I think it is necessary to take a break after 2-3 sessions a day, otherwise you become ineffective and emotional burnout occurs. Moreover, every psychologist must undergo audits, and it is better not to go to those who say that they do not need it at all.
Why did you decide to focus on family psychology? Has your personal experience influenced this?
– I think yes. I’ve had bad relationships experience: not in the sense that someone was wrong, but I wasn’t ready for a relationship at the time. Or maybe we were ready, but each on his own level. I have no hostility towards my ex-wives and our children are growing up happy and in love.
– Your third wife is a psychologist like you. Does a joint occupation contribute to harmony in family life? Is there any competition between you? Professional jealousy?
“We don’t act like psychologists at home. Of course, knowledge of psychology helps and you’ll make your partner feel better, but we don’t live by any instructions. My wife is a successful woman, she perfectly combines career and motherhood, and I am absolutely not jealous of her. I feel like a woman can worry like a woman when we go to a place to rest and girls come to me to take pictures but not anymore.
– Please comment on some of your statements. “The more sexual partners a woman has, the quicker she gets stupid”?
Either there or in the venereal ward. But we’re talking about the female body, not social interaction and norms. We are talking about the physiological restructuring of a woman’s body with each sexual partner: the immune, reproductive and nervous systems. Each time, up to a year is needed for the body to recover. And when you leave one relationship and immediately move on to another … A woman does not have time to deal with unresolved conflicts of past relationships. And it will go with them to new ones. Let’s say in a past relationship a woman was cheated on – without resolving this, in a new relationship a man will see the behavior of a “womanizer”, even if he does not change. And as soon as we unleash this fear into the space around us, sooner or later we will be convinced of it. Therefore, the first thing to do after every relationship is to “put it in order”.
– “If you don’t get married in a year, you have to leave”?
If you don’t want to get married, don’t go. And in other cases, what can you do in a relationship longer than a year? Why are you together? Relationships are the collaboration of two people who understand why they need this togetherness. If a man came into a woman’s life just to feel comfortable (and this often happens), then the woman must answer for herself why she needs this man. A year is enough to get to know each other, understand your compatibility. Not to see how you both are doing in everyday life, but to agree. For example, say you scatter socks or towels almost everywhere after you shower. He also immediately tells you about his habits. How many more days do you need to be sure of something? you have to be honest Do you remember how you were in past relationships? You will be the same next time. Therefore, just bargain – of course, not on the first date, but you can certainly do it on the 20th.
– “Is it a disaster if the woman is more successful than the man”?
– In 90% of cases – yes. But we are talking about men who never develop, and the scope of their personality is very limited. A woman also does not thrive because she is afraid of being more successful than her husband because she will leave him. If we’re talking about relationships where both are under development but the woman is a little more successful, it wouldn’t be a bad thing because these people know how to bargain with each other.