Maria Esclapez is is psychologist specializing in clinical and health psychology, couples therapist and sex coach specializing in clinical sexology. Through years of experience, he has managed to reconcile healthcare for patients. content disclosure mental health and relationships in social networks national media and in municipal buildings, institutes and universities in Spain. This Monday he presents his fourth book you are your safe place At the 80 Mundos bookstore in Alicante.
The name of the book you are your safe place. It seems like the obvious truth, but we realize that for many people it is not.
In general, we have become accustomed not to look inward and to listen to how our inner voice speaks, that inner dialogue. We never stopped doing this introspection until the person decided to go to a psychologist or see how they were treated. We have always focused on the outside, the relationships we have. This inner voice is so important that we treat ourselves daily and when things go wrong, go wrong for us, or make mistakes. In recent years there has been a movement of self-love and self-love.
What is it like to love yourself and be a safe place for yourself?
It has a lot to do with the compassion we have for ourselves. We may be the most haters if we put our minds to it, I think there is no worse critic than ourselves because we tend to beat ourselves up and demand ourselves. Conversely, it’s fine to demand of ourselves when we need it, for example to get something, but when we make a mistake, when we’re frustrated no matter what, demanding ourselves… there’s no need to beat ourselves up there. up, there we have to say: “I’m hugging you, I understand you. It’s okay, we’ll deal with it another time.” I think it comes from compassion, from changing the inner dialogue, but changing it in such a way that it’s a compassion that doesn’t leave us where we started, but also allows us to move forward.
“There is also a genetic predisposition that often conditions whether we have problems in the future.”
Forgiveness, healing past wounds… are some of the topics covered in the book, but can anyone do it?
Everyone has a life to work. Yes, everyone has the ability to do it alone or in company. When you say escort, it’s professional because it’s a more enriching job because it guides and helps you. It is highly recommended that you do this because looking at our history gives us explanations for what is happening to us today.
What role does childhood play when it comes to relating to others in adulthood?
It has a very important weight when it comes to learning to relate to others and also to ourselves. Tick how we will relate to others in adulthood. We should not lose sight of the fact that there are many factors. That’s why I focus on this in the book, but at the same time we must not forget the genetic predisposition that conditions us whether we will have problems in the future.
How would you explain this?
With the metaphor of a glass of water. Imagine we have three glasses of water. Each has a different filling. The first is the little finger, the second is halfway, and the last one is almost overflowing with water because that’s the genetic predisposition we already have. What will tell us if our burden of depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder is more or less… Now a jug of water enters the scene, representing external factors, namely childhood, adolescence and what we are. It’s happening Pouring some water into each of the glasses, so this will determine if I’m going to have problems in the end and even lead me to what problems specifically, a combination of these factors.
“Observe how you treat yourself. There you have a lot of information about how you relate to yourself.”
To what extent can this book help people who feel they cannot forgive themselves for a past event?
This book is those sure hands to return to. So much so that they say that I should treat myself better while reading. I think it can be a good guide for those who are currently unable to forgive themselves. I would have loved to have had this book a few years ago, finally a research paper where I gave this information a simple way for everyone to access and understand it so they don’t have to buy a super technical psychology book. this is everything. My task in this case has been to transform this information.
How do you know if someone is too demanding of you?
We are listening and watching. Whenever you get angry, whenever you make a mistake, whenever something goes wrong. Watch how you treat yourself. You have a lot of information about how you relate to yourself, as it is during those moments when you truly discover how you treat yourself.
Has mental health started to take its place since the pandemic?
It seems that overall yes, there is clearly a change and people are realizing that mental health is important. We all have a brain and sometimes it does things we don’t like, so we have to work on it, interfere with many things that happen to us in life. We are slowly coming out of the stigma that going to a psychologist or psychiatrist is insane. Sometimes you have to go to a psychologist and psychiatrist for things that happen to us, even if they are not serious problems, even if they are not ailments, because we can become sick just as we get sick. because we catch the flu or a cold. We are slowly making progress, gaining visibility.